PSYCHOPATHIC: suffering from or constituting a chronic mental disorder with abnormal or violent social behavior.
I’m not one to claim I know everything about mental disorders, but I realize that I’ve used the word psycho way too loosely in the past. My first journal entry back a couple weeks ago (here), I mentioned how I got attacked by C’s ex friend. She kept insinuating that things were going on between them. Actually, let me back up and go into that night to give you guys a clear picture of how psychotic she is. Oh, for starters, she’s bipolar, skips her medication, takes drugs and drinks alcohol. Let’s call her Tori.
Can this weather stop? First, it snows. All night. So right when you think the snow is going to finally melt, we just get it all back. And then, not only does it have to snow more, it rains on top of it. So everything becomes icy and slippy. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of Winter. I’m sick of being sick. Let’s move into Spring already please. Except Spring means allergies…
A few months ago, I wrote part one of this post (here). I mentioned I’d come back to the topic at some point, and here we are. It’s always hard to really write about this type of thing, because it’s very personal to me. In part one, I mentioned about the fighting between my mother and my step father. And I ended the post after the first big separation, which was all the way back in 2007. My step dad was cut out of the picture in 2014.
So I figured with the sort of posts I sometimes write, these journal entries would be a good way to kind of sum up my week. So I hate to disappoint you all, but it’s been a rather mundane week. Last weekend was filled with a lot of fun, that was short lived. Coming back on Sunday was just straight up depression for me lol.
Money. Basically, my main worry these days, is money. There never seems to be enough of it, and it goes so very fast. I swear, between paying my dues at home and then paying my bills, what’s left after is hardly a treat to myself. And the only time I can really treat myself is if I hold back on how much I spend on food in a given week. Essentially, starve myself so I can get those shoes I want, or buy something that makes me feel like I’m not just working for nothing.
The ideal day would not start with a trip to the job, but rather sleeping all day, streaming Netflix and listening to music. Ohh and completely avoiding all aspects of life – with the exception of a few.
When I first started working at my job, I went in with this attitude that I would avoid drama at all cost and just do my best to get along with everyone. Which I have managed to accomplish – for the most part – in the year and a half since I begun working there. However, the longer I’m there, the more I start to see the problems more clearly. Coworkers who can’t stand each other, rules that get changed around with each manager or shift supervisor, and people who get away with things that most of us aren’t able to do.
Sleep is obviously overrated. Well, for me, anyways. Actually, it’s the thing I want the most, but unfortunately for me, I live in a household where no one cares if I’m trying to sleep. So for the past couple weeks I’ve been sleeping restlessly and waking up with headaches. Coffee helps in the morning, especially expresso, but I really would just love to wake up feeling refreshed for once.
I live with my mom and her boyfriend, and they not only both work at the same store, but they work night shifts together. So they’re used to staying up all night and sleeping during the day. The problem is, they also both think it’s perfectly okay to talk extremely loud and play music all night. And drink. So when I attempt to go to sleep after midnight, I wind up crawling into bed and, naturally, fall asleep for maybe an hour and then I’m awake until they go to sleep. Except I’m so exhausted, all I want to do is sleep, and getting out of bed is out of the question. My frustration will start building, and… then I start to cry because no matter how hard I try, I just can’t sleep. I have an A/C in my room that helps a little. When it kicks on the sound drowns out most of the noise. Then it kicks off after it gets cold enough.