HELLO JULY! (MID-JULY now, I know, I’m late)
How are we already into July? Honestly? We are more than halfway through the year but it’s still not looking any brighter out there. But yet we’re still trying to get on through like there isn’t still a booming pandemic amidst everything.
I had my ultrasound recently. I’m actually due November 30th now, instead of November 19th. I guess the date of conception doesn’t always match up with the last day of your period – who knew? (*note this is sarcasm*).
A lot has been on my mind lately. It’s been hard for me to communicate how I feel to my boyfriend. How is it that we spend literally everyday together, and with quarantine – almost every minute – but I feel like we’ve been drifting?
We talk a lot, there’s no doubt about that. About little man, movies, and just… everything but us and what we need to do. When we do talk about change, it’s always my responsibilities and we disagree on some things. The truth is, I’ve been holding things in for awhile, and it honestly falls back on me for the biggest lack in our communication. I’ve been a nut case, a depressed Debbie Downer. It sucks. Because I get afraid that if I say how I feel, he won’t want to stay with me.￼
We’ve been together for over 2 years now, which is crazy in itself. This is the longest I’ve ever been in a relationship to begin with. And I’m so afraid we’ve reached this period where things have just… fizzled out.
June 7, 2020
I can’t keep up with life anymore. Everything is getting on top of me. I can’t remember the last time I felt like myself. Truly felt like myself. The world has been on fire, literally, and my mental health has taken a deep nose dive.
I’m scared. I have no idea how to move forward. Feeling trapped in my thoughts, everyday. Wanting change, to be better, but resistance everywhere I look.
My son is the only thing keeping me going. He is everything right now. And so amazing. Crazy, he just turned 8 months. Time flies.
One week old. He’s already over one week old already. I had my baby boy last Saturday, at 7:45 PM, we named him Xavier. I have a son. How do I have a baby?
Alright, I have to rant a little.
I’m thankful for the people in my life who have offered me a place to stay and helped me out. But after a certain point, you start to wonder who’s helping who out more. You start to feel as though you get taken advantage of or overlooked.
This insomnia bullshit is getting in the way of my best sleep. All I do is toss and turn all night trying to get comfortable. Doesn’t work. I can’t fall asleep fast enough and then I get too hot and have to turn again. On top of that, the baby is active a lot more when I’m laying down. While I love feeling him move, it makes it rather hard to get comfortable or fall asleep.
July 27, 2018
Life has been way too busy for me lately, time has been flying by so quickly, and I’m less than 11 weeks away from my due date. They say the last trimester goes by slowly, but there’s so much I have to get done that it feels like time has just been moving too quickly for me to enjoy it.
We’ve been living with my friend, B, for almost a month already, which is crazy to me. Time felt so weird when we were living with C’s friends. We were in this weird in between stage with them, and now that we’re here, we’re in crunch time really. I want to get our own place by September 1st. But it honestly doesn’t feel that far away anymore. We’re almost to August and my only hopeful prospect for a place was one that I looked at a couple hours ago.
May 4, 2019
Time is flying by so quickly these days, I can’t keep up with writing everything down. I think this is the longest break I’ve taken from this blog since I started it back up. Where I had too much time before, I just don’t have the same luxury anymore. Or a computer, still. It’s harder doing everything off of my phone.
Anyways! Long time no see. I left my last post stressed out, and while things are still hectic and crazy, a lot has also changed in this new year.