Nothing in my life has gone the way I had hoped. I wish things had been different all the time. I wonder where my life would be right now if I had never gotten pregnant, never made the move, never stayed with C. Wondering the “what-if’s” every time I feel down and alone.
I try to focus on the good as much as I can. Life has been really hard, but my son is amazing and perfect. Aside from that, I really feel like I’ve failed in some type of way. Before all of this I was finally getting myself on the right track. My credit was getting on the good side again, finally had my cards down.
After what feels like forever of searching, we have finally landed an apartment! We’re in the in-between stage right now, trying to get everything together and people to help us move. But the lease is signed, and we officially have a place to call our own!
It’s a one bedroom, but it has a living room and a dining room. They recently gutted the place out, so the kitchen and bathroom are brand new (the stove and fridge haven’t been used yet). We took the bottom floor, which was $50 cheaper, but it has a back patio area that’s just ours. There’s an upstairs that had a balcony and a little more space, but I didn’t want to get ourselves in over our head. Plus, the first floor is easier on me right now. (Although I did just see they relisted the top floor for the same amount now, which now is a little annoying, but oh well).
I’m officially closer to 30 than 20, my birthday was last Sunday and I’m getting old at 26. Or it feels that way at least, I know I’m still young. But it just reminds me how fast time is running, and how quickly things seem to happen anymore. I remember being a kid and feeling like I had so much time in the world. I don’t feel that way anymore. Instead, it feels like I’m losing so much time.
My birthday was nice, though. When I look back at where C and I were last year, it really is amazing how much things can change. I honestly think my problem is there’s been so much change since we’ve gotten together. Not in a bad way, but they’ve been big changes.
Life has been way too busy for me lately, time has been flying by so quickly, and I’m less than 11 weeks away from my due date. They say the last trimester goes by slowly, but there’s so much I have to get done that it feels like time has just been moving too quickly for me to enjoy it.
We’ve been living with my friend, B, for almost a month already, which is crazy to me. Time felt so weird when we were living with C’s friends. We were in this weird in between stage with them, and now that we’re here, we’re in crunch time really. I want to get our own place by September 1st. But it honestly doesn’t feel that far away anymore. We’re almost to August and my only hopeful prospect for a place was one that I looked at a couple hours ago.
I think I’m addicted to chocolate peanut butter cheerios these days. Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I’ve actually been trying to eat a little healthier and make sure I eat breakfast every morning. Plus take my prenatal. But those cheerios? Those are like the perfect snack in the morning.
Things have been in this big in between stage lately. I have no idea what’s really going to happen in the next few months. This pregnancy made for this unexpected future – not that it’s bad, it really is not at all. All of my plans that I had before, those have all changed. I’m starting from scratch again. And I’m scared a little.
Hey guys, long time no see. Things have been so hectic! Let me tell you, I moved, and it was the biggest shit show of a move. Never again. The next time we move, I’m giving myself at least a week before we need to be out. Because this shit was awful.
So my last update I had just quit my job, and we had one day to be out. Well, they let us know they wouldn’t actually be there until 8:30 AM Wednesday morning, so it gave us a little more time.
I had my last day of work yesterday. How crazy is that? This job I’ve been at for well over 2 years that’s been stressing me out so much? I finally got myself out. C and I are Pittsburgh bound tomorrow, but there is still so much left to pack and get done. Doesn’t help that I’m sick either.
The last month has felt crazy surreal. The fact that I’m really moving is starting to finally sink in. I’ve been working so much it hasn’t felt real yet. But yesterday I started to pack my room, spending my last day at home. Aside from throwing my clothes in bags, it’s pretty much done and ready to go.
Time has been flying by so. damn. fast. I seriously cannot keep up with it anymore. It feels like it’s been a lot of me fighting lately, fighting to get out of this situation I’ve felt stuck and cooped up in. But I’ve also been at a standstill, waiting for things to change, for something to move.