December 30, 2018
I’ve been overwhelmed.
It’s funny, I feel like I’ve been waiting so long for this chance to be on my own, but I wasn’t prepared for all the setbacks that have come my way.
Things are slowly coming together though, and I’ve been pushing through my anxiety and depression and working on bettering my mindset about things.
Surviving paycheck to paycheck has been a struggle.
Continue reading Journal Entry (#56)
November 26, 2018
I’m a dreamer. I’ve always been. Maybe it’s why I’m so passionate about change but so afraid to embrace it. Uprooting my life has been hard. It’s a change I worked for, busted my ass for – and I know it’s going to work out and things will be okay! – but by God, it’s fucking killing me.
Continue reading Journal Entry (#55)
November 8, 2018
I’ve had so much free time on my hands, I don’t even know what to do with myself right now. Why is it that we have the most time when we don’t have money to do anything?
Netflix and Hulu decided to draw money out of my account at the same time. I wasn’t even thinking, I would’ve been okay, but I spent $12 at Sunoco and with the $20 deducted on top of that? My $15 turned into -$57 after the overdraft fee was added in.
Continue reading Journal Entry (#54)
May 18, 2018
I feel like I have no time to write these days. I’ve been constantly on the go, or doing something this week. Between work, my mom, and C, the time in between is few and far between.
Okay, I did have some time this week, but I spent it playing Red Dead Redemption on my Xbox 360. I bought the game a week and a half ago and finally found time to play it. And… it’s addicting. I can’t believe I’ve never played it before. It’s a new addiction I don’t have time for.
Continue reading Journal Entry (#47)
May 12, 2018
Plan B officially has fucked up my cycle. It’s been a month, and after the random spotting I had for about 2 weeks after I took it, my period is officially late and I know it’s because of taking it. Never again. But because my period is late, I’ve been feeling hormonal lately and it downright sucks.
Continue reading Journal Entry (#46)
May 7, 2018
Honestly, I’ve just been crazy busy this last week. With everything going on, things have been all over the place. I’ve been an emotional wreck off and on. Work has been stressing me like crazy, and all my free time is being pulled by C and by my mother. My mother is like jealous of the fact I just want to be with C all the time.
Continue reading Journal Entry (#45)
April 29, 2018
I don’t even know what to make of things anymore. It’s like, the moment I think things are going well and great, it blows up in my face. Can I be happy? It’s a question to be determined, I guess.
My mom decided to google C. And gather information on him. I’m assuming she got his last name off of my Facebook, and went from there. Basically, she saw that he has a record. He’s been to jail for being caught with drugs, and for assault. Both instances, he has told me about before. She questioned me, asked me if he ever told me anything. He tells me everything, but I kept my guard up because I wanted to know what she was going to show me.
Continue reading Journal Entry (#44)
April 26, 2018
Isn’t it crazy how things can go from 0-100 in 60 seconds? Monday night I had spent all evening and part of the night with C, and things were really great. We just keep moving forward. Then Tuesday night came around, and things got real harsh real fast.
Continue reading Journal Entry (#43)
April 23, 2018
That coffee body scrub I got in my ipsy bag? Simply amazing. It smells so good! And makes my skin feel so smooth. Too bad I only have maybe one more use out of it, such a shame.
I’m off today and tomorrow, same days as last week. I could get used to going back on this schedule – I just want something steady. I hate not knowing when my days off are. We lost a new cashier already, some kind of baby daddy drama and not enough time. Not sure entirely. We just lose people left and right anymore.
Continue reading Journal Entry (#42)
April 21, 2018
C and I working opposite schedules – it sucks. He’s working shifts like 4-1 or 4 to close, and I work mornings. So last night he gets himself to leave early, but early is 11:30 at night and I’m practically passing out so I tell him I’ll come over in the morning. Well, it’s the morning, and he’s not answering his phone or texts, which tells me one thing: he’s sleeping. And I just don’t want to go over there, try to knock or ring the doorbell, and have no one answer. So… I’m writing this entry instead. He works 3-11 tomorrow night, so if anything I’ll see him then. It’s just annoying trying to find time to spend together when our schedules clash like that.
Continue reading Journal Entry (#41)