Birthdays, Mothers and Alcohol

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Before the end of this month, I’ll finally be turning 21. Which is amazing because it’s one of those moments that used to feel so long ago, and now it’s right around the corner. Time just flies by.

I can’t remember the last time I made a big deal out of a birthday, or when anyone else has for that matter. Might’ve been when I was 9 and all of my family came over for a birthday party. Ever since then, though, birthdays went from being given a couple gifts to simply being an ordinary day. It’s been years since I’ve really celebrated it – and last year I worked it. Worked six hours straight with no break, and my supervisor couldn’t understand why I was getting cranky. Anyways, my point is, birthdays don’t really get celebrated around here.

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Gummy Worms

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I don’t know why, but I’ve been craving gummy worms. It’s one of those things that you realize you haven’t had in the longest time, and all of a sudden you realize that you want some. Candy isn’t even something I eat that often these days. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a junk-o-holic, but I have to be in the mood for candy. Too sweet, I think. Junk food, in general, though, is too tempting, and I really should cut back on some of it.

The older I get, the more I’m noticing how bad my eating habits really are. I’ve gotten in such a bad habit of eating mainly once a day. The rest of the time I snack. Unless I’m really hungry. Then I make an exception and actually make myself something to eat, usually for breakfast/lunch.That’s only part of my problem.

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Drama in the Workplace

The ideal day would not start with a trip to the job, but rather sleeping all day, streaming Netflix and listening to music. Ohh and completely avoiding all aspects of life – with the exception of a few.

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When I first started working at my job, I went in with this attitude that I would avoid drama at all cost and just do my best to get along with everyone. Which I have managed to accomplish – for the most part – in the year and a half since I begun working there. However, the longer I’m there, the more I start to see the problems more clearly. Coworkers who can’t stand each other, rules that get changed around with each manager or shift supervisor, and people who get away with things  that most of us aren’t able to do.

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Being an Adult is Hard

As a kid, I remember time felt like it passed slow. While the school year may have dragged back then, the summers were also a lot longer – or so they felt at least. It’s funny how once certain life stages are reached, time starts speeding up. Middle school went by slow, but it still passed more quickly then Elementary school. And then once I reached high school – time started flying. Before I knew it, those three years were over and I was graduating. But the worst is how much faster it is now that I’m out of high school (and in college). I even took a year off after high school – and that year went by fast, despite the wasted time.

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Being an adult sucks. Not only is your responsibility greater, but it feels like there’s never enough time for everything. It’s a lot easier for time to pass by quickly, then months later realize you’ve accomplished zilch and you’re still in the same place. I feel that being back in school (high school, middle school, etc.) kind of kept things more grounded. College is more free, you pick and choose your classes (unless, you know, they’ve been picked over and you’re left with a raw deal for that semester), but you don’t always have to have them everyday. The workload is harder (the higher up your year, generally, the more difficult the work), and, plus, most of us work.

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Charmed, I’m sure

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After I finished watching Orange is the New Black, I was in a bit of a I-have-no-idea-what-to-watch-next kind of funk. So I decided to kick things a little old school and pick up on Charmed once again. A good friend of mine had bought me the first season for Christmas, but after finishing that I took a break from it for a while. In a way I was hoping to actually buy the series, but since it’s available on Netflix, I cheated.

Charmed was one of those shows I remember watching as a kid. Except, back then, I didn’t know that I came into the series when it was more than halfway over. Watching it now I realize that I believe I started watching it around the fifth season (and currently I’m only on Season Four). So it’s actually nice to be surprised and see that I’ve only seen bits and pieces of the original beginning. Being older now I have a deeper appreciation for the show, and it was one of the best shows I remember watching as a kid. It might even be the best witch show to be created, despite the bad special effects in the first few seasons – but that’s always a matter of opinion.

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Is summer really almost over..?

It honestly feels like summer just started and the semester just ended, but as August is close approaching, I’m reminded that it’s less than a month away before I have to worry about classes again. Lucky my birthday, my twenty-first birthday, falls on the first day of classes. Talk about exciting, right?

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Anymore, summer just flies by. Maybe it’s proof that I’m not spending it how I should, and I know I keep wasting most of this precious free time. It’s taking a lot, but the more each day passes by the more I realize that I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep doing what everyone else wants. And I know I’ve said it before, hell, I’ve said it plenty of times. But… I don’t do anything, and it all falls apart. My words are meaningless without action. Fear, really, is the main culprit in holding me back. The sad part is that it’s not even fear of being on my own – it’s fear of my mother’s disappointment.

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Lack of Sleep is Very Frustrating

I think this lack of actually getting a good night’s sleep is starting to get to me. Every annoyance when I’m trying to sleep just aggravates me to the point that I get pissed off. Then I really can’t sleep so I force myself to get up even though I’m still exhausted. I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever start sleeping well again. I have to wake up at least 2 or 3 times in the middle of the night, even just to use the restroom. And then sometimes it takes me forever to fall back asleep. Technically I think a person my age is supposed to get a solid 10 hours of sleep every night. At the very least, 9 hours.

I might get a good 5 hours of sleep before waking up. I don’t get a full solid night’s sleep, and I honestly can’t remember the last time I had one. Maybe that’s why my body just feels so tired all the time, because no matter what I do, I can’t sleep right. Something has got to give soon, before I lose any more of my sanity. Thank God for coffee, at least that helps liven me up.

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Misery Loves it’s Company

Sleep is obviously overrated. Well, for me, anyways. Actually, it’s the thing I want the most, but unfortunately for me, I live in a household where no one cares if I’m trying to sleep. So for the past couple weeks I’ve been sleeping restlessly and waking up with headaches. Coffee helps in the morning, especially expresso, but I really would just love to wake up feeling refreshed for once.

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I live with my mom and her boyfriend, and they not only both work at the same store, but they work night shifts together. So they’re used to staying up all night and sleeping during the day. The problem is, they also both think it’s perfectly okay to talk extremely loud and play music all night. And drink. So when I attempt to go to sleep after midnight, I wind up crawling into bed and, naturally, fall asleep for maybe an hour and then I’m awake until they go to sleep. Except I’m so exhausted, all I want to do is sleep, and getting out of bed is out of the question. My frustration will start building, and… then I start to cry because no  matter how hard I try, I just can’t sleep. I have an A/C in my room that helps a little. When it kicks on the sound drowns out most of the noise. Then it kicks off after it gets cold enough.

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