All posts by Laken

Just a girl who's trying to find herself in this crazy world.

Reflection: Post-Pregnancy

One week old. He’s already over one week old already. I had my baby boy last Saturday, at 7:45 PM, we named him Xavier. I have a son. How do I have a baby?

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Journal Entry (#61)

September 11, 2019
4:26 PM

After what feels like forever of searching, we have finally landed an apartment! We’re in the in-between stage right now, trying to get everything together and people to help us move. But the lease is signed, and we officially have a place to call our own!

It’s a one bedroom, but it has a living room and a dining room. They recently gutted the place out, so the kitchen and bathroom are brand new (the stove and fridge haven’t been used yet). We took the bottom floor, which was $50 cheaper, but it has a back patio area that’s just ours. There’s an upstairs that had a balcony and a little more space, but I didn’t want to get ourselves in over our head. Plus, the first floor is easier on me right now. (Although I did just see they relisted the top floor for the same amount now, which now is a little annoying, but oh well).

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Journal Entry (#60)

August 31, 2019
9:56 AM

I’m officially closer to 30 than 20, my birthday was last Sunday and I’m getting old at 26. Or it feels that way at least, I know I’m still young. But it just reminds me how fast time is running, and how quickly things seem to happen anymore. I remember being a kid and feeling like I had so much time in the world. I don’t feel that way anymore. Instead, it feels like I’m losing so much time.

My birthday was nice, though. When I look back at where C and I were last year, it really is amazing how much things can change. I honestly think my problem is there’s been so much change since we’ve gotten together. Not in a bad way, but they’ve been big changes.

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Pregnancy Insomnia

This insomnia bullshit is getting in the way of my best sleep. All I do is toss and turn all night trying to get comfortable. Doesn’t work. I can’t fall asleep fast enough and then I get too hot and have to turn again. On top of that, the baby is active a lot more when I’m laying down. While I love feeling him move, it makes it rather hard to get comfortable or fall asleep.

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Journal Entry (#59)

July 27, 2018
1:51 PM

Life has been way too busy for me lately, time has been flying by so quickly, and I’m less than 11 weeks away from my due date. They say the last trimester goes by slowly, but there’s so much I have to get done that it feels like time has just been moving too quickly for me to enjoy it.

We’ve been living with my friend, B, for almost a month already, which is crazy to me. Time felt so weird when we were living with C’s friends. We were in this weird in between stage with them, and now that we’re here, we’re in crunch time really. I want to get our own place by September 1st. But it honestly doesn’t feel that far away anymore. We’re almost to August and my only hopeful prospect for a place was one that I looked at a couple hours ago.

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Journal Entry (#58)

June 6, 2019
9:33 AM

I think I’m addicted to chocolate peanut butter cheerios these days. Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I’ve actually been trying to eat a little healthier and make sure I eat breakfast every morning. Plus take my prenatal. But those cheerios? Those are like the perfect snack in the morning.

Things have been in this big in between stage lately. I have no idea what’s really going to happen in the next few months. This pregnancy made for this unexpected future – not that it’s bad, it really is not at all. All of my plans that I had before, those have all changed. I’m starting from scratch again. And I’m scared a little.

We found out we’re having a boy!

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Journal Entry #57

May 4, 2019

12:21 P.M.

Time is flying by so quickly these days, I can’t keep up with writing everything down. I think this is the longest break I’ve taken from this blog since I started it back up. Where I had too much time before, I just don’t have the same luxury anymore. Or a computer, still. It’s harder doing everything off of my phone.

Anyways! Long time no see. I left my last post stressed out, and while things are still hectic and crazy, a lot has also changed in this new year.

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Journal Entry (#56)

December 30, 2018

1:14 PM

I’ve been overwhelmed.

It’s funny, I feel like I’ve been waiting so long for this chance to be on my own, but I wasn’t prepared for all the setbacks that have come my way.

Things are slowly coming together though, and I’ve been pushing through my anxiety and depression and working on bettering my mindset about things.

Surviving paycheck to paycheck has been a struggle.

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Journal Entry (#55)

Monday,

November 26, 2018

I’m a dreamer. I’ve always been. Maybe it’s why I’m so passionate about change but so afraid to embrace it. Uprooting my life has been hard. It’s a change I worked for, busted my ass for – and I know it’s going to work out and things will be okay! – but by God, it’s fucking killing me.

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