Journal Entry (#54)

November 8, 2018

6:51 PM

I’ve had so much free time on my hands, I don’t even know what to do with myself right now. Why is it that we have the most time when we don’t have money to do anything?

Netflix and Hulu decided to draw money out of my account at the same time. I wasn’t even thinking, I would’ve been okay, but I spent $12 at Sunoco and with the $20 deducted on top of that? My $15 turned into -$57 after the overdraft fee was added in.

I’m so tired of fighting overdrafts on my account. Tori set that whole thing up for me, I haven’t had issues in so long. Maybe I’ll be able to call them tomorrow to see if they’ll waive the fee since C is getting some money tomorrow.

Oh, C went in for an interview on Saturday and wound up working 10 hours. It’s not the most glamorous job, but it’s something he’s familiar with and they’re giving him hours like crazy because they need the help. He’s going to have over 40 hours this week, and that’s his first real week. The perk is they get paid weekly, and we really need that right now.

Saturday night, we all picked C up from work (M and her boyfriend S) and drove back to my hometown. Because it was M’s best friends’ birthday.

It’s a weird feeling when you return from a place you spent so many years at, not to return home, but to visit.

Anyways, the night had its ups and downs but we all got a little too fucked up. I wound up passing out at some point, we stayed all night. When we got back it was around 9 AM.

Last night was C’s birthday, I felt so bad I couldn’t do much for him due to the money situation. And he worked it. It made me think of last year, because his birthday was one of the first times I really hung out with C outside of work. And we were just friends then, but I had a feeling even then that he liked me. Just bizarre how much can change in a year.

(Seriously, read my post from last year)

I’ve been applying to jobs like crazy, but still nothing much. There is this one job, I have to call tomorrow, for an Entry Level Promotions Coordinator. They sent me an email telling me to call to schedule an interview.

I don’t want to get my hopes up, because I don’t know if this would be a job I would like for one, and for two, I may not be a good fit. But, it wouldn’t hurt to try. The salary was $42,600-$56,300 a year. Plus a ton of benefits.

I’d love the chance to even try honestly, because the money sounds good right now. I just don’t know if I really qualify or can sell myself for the position. And if it turns into a sales job, it’s not a fit for me. I can’t sell to save my life. I’m lucky if I can up-sell products – usually it happened with me not trying.

I’ve been working on my resume a lot recently, filed for unemployment last week (I need something badly), and just been throwing out a ton of applications. Lately I’ve been so focused on making a career move, I feel I may have to settle for something temporarily.

I’m in such a funk. C went back to work and I’ve spent a lot of time just on my own, realizing I have hardly anyone to talk to anymore. I have no money to even order takeout much less go and do something. Shit, we both still need keys to the house yet and we’ve been here 3 weeks.

I’ve been procrastinating so bad, too. Delaying these important phone calls. I know things will get better eventually, but I think I’m trying to hide from my responsibilities when it comes to my negative bank account right now. I’m so stressed about it that I avoid it. Even seeing an email telling me the exact amount makes me cringe and want to die.

Because everyday I’m over I get racked with more overdraft fees. And I don’t have it. C is only getting paid for one shift tomorrow, and we’ll be lucky if it’s $60. And he needs bus fare, and we need money for food.

I need to apply for food stamps. I may do this after I’m done writing. I’m so embarrassed I feel I can’t even tell my mother because she has her own financial stress to deal with. My father? I’ve been considering calling him to ask for money. After all, he’s never done shit for me. I’ve been meaning to call him back, I just don’t feel as comfortable talking to him as I should. It’s like talking to a stranger, and this man is my father.

Anyways, long ramble over. I hope you’ve all been well! Leave me a comment telling me what you’ve been up to lately (:

7:09 PM

13 thoughts on “Journal Entry (#54)”

  1. I wish I could help you, Laken! You should try getting a waitressing job at a strip club, they usually let you start working right away & I’m guessing you’re nearer to them now? The job you applies for sounds amazing– I hope you get it & it’s exactly what you’re looking for. ♡

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww thanks anyways! And I’ve actually heard that’s good money. I’m probably close to one, but I’m not sure. It did sound like a good job, but it’s sales, and I really am not interested in that. Which is silly because the money would be good. But I got a job interview for a receptionist position that’s a lot closer to home, and they called me an hour after I applied. I have a better feeling about it, even though it’s less money lol.

      Thank you for your positive vibes ☺️

      Liked by 1 person

    1. They really are! Thanks so much, I’m trying to have some faith. Actually have an interview for something else on Monday to a place that’s a lot closer. So maybe things will start to look up (:

      Liked by 1 person

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