Journal Entry (#52)

October 15, 2018
11:06 AM

I had my last day of work yesterday. How crazy is that? This job I’ve been at for well over 2 years that’s been stressing me out so much? I finally got myself out. C and I are Pittsburgh bound tomorrow, but there is still so much left to pack and get done. Doesn’t help that I’m sick either.

The last month has felt crazy surreal. The fact that I’m really moving is starting to finally sink in. I’ve been working so much it hasn’t felt real yet. But yesterday I started to pack my room, spending my last day at home. Aside from throwing my clothes in bags, it’s pretty much done and ready to go.

This laptop is staying unfortunately. It’s hers, I can’t really take it. Anything that is hers or was a gift to me is staying. The stuff I bought for myself goes. I’m starting to get excited, I just wish I was feeling better.

Wanna know something funny? We moved into our current house on the 16th of October two years ago. Tomorrow is the 16th and moving day. Coincidence?

I am getting a little nervous because we have to be out by tomorrow at 11:59 p.m., and we have yet to find a friend who can drive the truck (since neither one of us can drive it).

And it’s a rush because money is tight until I get a new job, but I have a feeling I’ll get into something soon. I just hope C does, too, and it does worry me that he won’t find anything off the bat. With the fact he hasn’t worked in like 3 months, it’s starting to bother me. Because of how I am, I’ve basically been supporting us the last few months plus paid my bills. So, I’ve been broke. And that’s not fair to me. I believe C has true intentions of paying me back, and working, and while others are doubting his ability to, I do believe in him. I just hope he doesn’t prove me wrong for that blind faith.

My mom and I have been getting along better lately, too. I can actually come home without fear of being yelled at for the circumstances as they are. She’s kind of getting excited, too, because I’ve offered to keep an eye out for places for her to move into, too, closer to my grandma. That’s what she really wants. And I don’t want to leave her in the dust when I go, she’s my mom, and my only mom. I could never be like that, I just need to get my own life started, too.

I worked my last day yesterday, had to get the shift cut back because I had asked for less hours, found out I lost 3 days (thought it was the 19th, not the 16th we had to be out by). I still worked 6 days this week. How frustrating. My one coworker, TL, told me I was dead to him once I clocked out. Because the sad truth is, we all talk about seeing each other at some time after moving, but everyone moves on with their own lives. Hardly anyone ever truly stays in your life. And it’s sad, but that’s how it is. When people work 60 hours a week, it’s hard to plan things around that. It’s just sad to me that I spent so much time in this place, and I didn’t really gain anything from it, other than experience. And finding C.

I’ll miss serving so much more than cashiering. I think I finally found my sweet spot with serving. I had a few really good shifts, and the busier, the more crazy, the better the tips at the end of the night. Although, people who buy two $10 drinks and have the audacity to tip me only $1 can rot in hell. I’m sorry, but if you don’t have the money to tip, you shouldn’t dine out – there are places you don’t even have to tip at! And if you’re getting that expensive of a drink and can’t leave at least $2, you’re basically calling me out for being a shitty waitress and I wasn’t. I expect that from college kids who have never worked a day in their lives. Not a 50 year old woman.

But at the same time, the one night I had a young couple in a booth, didn’t even think I waited that well on them because I had a few tables and was trying to balance things. They tipped me over $32. I was blown away. The bill was like $40 something and the final total was $80. It made my night.

Basically, you just really don’t know with people. I have no idea what to expect from serving in the city. I really don’t. But I’m hoping I can get the experience in and start making some money. Get a new computer, and look for better jobs.

Today, C and I have to get serious about packing up the apartment. There’s so much to do, no time to get it done. And I’m praying he has a friend who can help us out. I really don’t want to have to call my dad I haven’t talked to in months for assistance. If he would even help.

It’s going to be a little while until I get myself back into the world of blogging again. I’m hoping with having actual Wi-Fi at the place we’re moving to will help motivate me to even post small updates from my phone. It’s just going to take some time to get adjusted and to get everything situated.

But it’s progress. And a fresh start. And both C and I really need this. To get the hell out of this town once and for all, the toxic relationships here. And toxic they are. There are things I’m not sure I’ll ever fully have an answer to. And there are things about C I choose to overlook, because it’s time to start over with everything. And I really do love him. And I’m hoping this change is only going to help us. Honestly, once he gets back to work it’s going to take a weight off. I don’t like being a caretaker, or having to always pay for everything. And no, I don’t think the guy should pay all the time or anything, but when it’s a matter of you can’t even save $20 because it’s going towards supporting each other, it’s hard. And C hasn’t been helping himself lately, and I’ve felt pressure because of the type of person I am. I took over doing dishes because it annoys me that we have to run out of mugs or glasses and they’re still not done. So I do it.

And I know part of it is his own frustration with himself, but he is lazy. I love him, but my boyfriend is lazy. I was packing up my room last night, called him to take a break. He was watching Netflix. I had asked him to start packing up his car at least, obviously he didn’t. It’s things like that, they start to irritate me. Because we’re on a short time limit, and thanks to him not packing, it’s more work on me because we’ll be doing a lot of packing tonight. And I’m sick. I’m sick from being stressed at work, stressed from this upcoming move, and the weather just turning shitty. Him not making an effort doesn’t help either.

As much as I love smoking weed, I think if we can’t motivate we should hold off until we move.

And I’m stressed because I think I need to get myself checked out by a doctor, I think I have a cyst on my girl parts and I don’t have insurance or time to get it checked out. It’s just kind of swollen and hurts to sit because it’s tender. Sex hurts. And I had this happen to me months ago and it went away. I’m hoping it does this time, but the fact this isn’t the first time makes me want to get it checked out. I’m afraid of going to the doctor, yet afraid if I don’t go it’ll get worse or turn into something else. And even just having someone say it’s nothing  to worry about can make all the difference in your stress levels. But I’m moving into new territory.

I did read that warm baths could help soothe and prevent it from turning into an abscess, so I’m going to see if I can find time to at least get a nice warm bath in. It could help with stress, too. Except the bathtub at C’s needs cleaned out. I hate the idea of bathing in a dirty tub. But his landlord is also a dick so I hate the idea of cleaning it that well before we leave. Plus, time. And the lack of it.

I hope everyone is doing well. I’ll still be around, but it may take me a tad longer before I get back into blogging on the regular. On the plus side, Wi-Fi means I can actually start reading blogs again when I’m bored! There is no way I’m going to catch up on everything I’ve missed, but at least I can start somewhere and soon. Wish me luck guys, I’m going to need it!

11:41 AM

13 thoughts on “Journal Entry (#52)”

  1. Laken!!! I am so goddamn excited for you. Going our to Pittsburgh is going to be so good for you! You’ll both find a job soon soon soon & honestly, if C doesn’t step up… you don’t have to stay with him. You would do so fine on your own!

    It’s the best thing to hear that your mom is okay with it all now. ♡ I know she’s so important to you. Is she still with that boyfriend of hers?!

    I’ve never had a cyst down there before but I’ve had an extremely terrible ingrown hair that really bothered me. Are you sure it’s not just one of those?? There are free clinics to get yourself checked though so totally go & do that if you can!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We made it to Pittsburgh (: it’s been such a week, I’ll have to post an update soon because so much has happened in such a short time lol. And honestly, C has been stepping up lately and with my cyst he’s been such a sweetheart (I had to go to the hospital but I’m fine). And he’s been more proactive about jobs than me even.

      She is still with her boyfriend haha, but she’s not going to stay forever with him.

      It turned out to be a Bartholin cyst abscess, which was why it was so painful!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Trying to get around to it soon! May have landed a job, too. So things may be looking up ☺️ so much to write in the update, hope everything is going well for you girly, I can’t wait to get back to reading your posts!

        Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s still really good! I definitely understand that if it wasn’t amazing service you won’t tip well, but there are people who pay less than 10% for a tip and I think it’s rude unless the service was so terrible. Idk though! Thank you (:

      Liked by 1 person

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