Journal Entry (#48)

July 18, 2018
3:33 PM

Hey guys,

I’m alive.

I know I’ve been a little M.I.A. the last 2 months, and I’m sorry for falling off the grid. Life’s been kind of hectic to be honest. It’s like once I spent a week away with C, I started spending all of my time over at his place. And when I’m home? My mom is taking up my time. So between work, my mother, and C, I’ve had my hands full.

Via Unsplash

Honestly, I’ve been trying to write an update post a few times within the last month, write half of it, and then get pulled away. It’s been rough!

There’s a tad too much to throw into one post, but I did want to give you guys a heads up that I am still around, and I do plan on coming back once I get things settled and figure out what I’m doing. I’ve been at a complete loss about some things.

So what’s been new?

View from Station Square at night.

I took a week off with C back at the end of May, we went to Pittsburgh and it was a nice little getaway – for the most part. My mom had to bitch me out half of my vacation, and I had a college friend message me on Snapchat and try to convince me that C is married with multiple kids (he’s not). So half of it was upset, and the other half was just great. We went to Kennywood twice and Dave & Buster’s once, and I really didn’t want to come home.

Ever since the trip, I spend about half my time up at C’s, if not more. I sleep at his place more than mine. My mom gets from really liking him (she does actually like him now that she’s met him, it’s crazy). But then she’ll get upset when she feels like I’m neglecting her. One week she told me if I left I was to pack my things and be out by the weekend. Obviously, she didn’t mean it and I’m still living at home, wondering why I do these things to myself. I don’t even like living at home anymore, it’s like work. I’m not happy here. Is it that wrong to want to spend my free time with my boyfriend?

I finally started serving. It’s still new, I’ve only had a few training shifts, but really, I just need to practice on liquor. I’m kind of thinking that once I get in the groove of serving and get a few more solo shifts, I’m going to cut out cashiering. I can’t stand being everyone’s bitch over there anymore. The servers get paid more and get to do a lot less – plus shorter shifts. So really, what’s the point in me cashiering? It’s only going to help me out with my taxes.

The problem is, lately it’s a fight for me to get these serving shifts. Had talked everything out with my manager and thought things were good to go, but got fucked over this week. He gave me Monday and Tuesday off to serve (shitty slow days for starters), and apparently talked to the girl who makes the schedules on the other side, but she didn’t put me on because she wanted to see when I wanted to work, I guess? But she never came to me about it, so I wound up getting no shifts this week. But… A1 gets her serving shifts. I only have been asking to serve for months, but yes, let’s get the two faced snake to work everything I try to aim at. I went from liking this girl to not being able to stand her because she doesn’t work and gets what she wants for nothing. She requested off Thursday-Sunday and is working as a server Thursday and Friday. Like how is that fair at all to me? I’m sick of my job so much.

I’m scared to really find a better job in this town. I want so bad to get out of here. C and I’ve had a few issues here and there, and it’s due to people in this town. Why do people have to say shit and get in the middle of things that have nothing to do with them? We both are starting to hate the place we work at, and there’s so much petty drama and arrogant attitudes anymore – it’s tiring. C actually quit last week, he was so fed up with the false promises from my manager about getting him on daylight shifts versus nights. So he just up and quit. It worries me that he doesn’t have a backup right now, but it’s something we’re working on.

Via Unsplash

I also splurged and bought myself a Nintendo 3DS. I only have two games for it now, Mario Kart DS, and Pokemon Moon,  but I’m content with the splurging. Even though I still really need a new computer. It was something for me anyways. And I’ve been wanting to get one for awhile now.

To be honest guys, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve lost track with my blogging, even though I’ve taken pics of every monthly box I’ve gotten in hopes of writing up a post I don’t have time to write up. I know I need to work on moving out, but it’s so hard. It feels early for me to move in with C, but I’m so ready to move out of living with my mom. But then, she’ll go from threatening me to practically telling me how much she needs me. And the guilt? I don’t know what to do. I want out. I want to get my life started. I’m at such a standstill right now, and the only thing keeping me going is C. Because everything else just seems to be moving by so quickly with no change.

Something has got to give soon, right?

Via Unsplash

Anyways, I have so much to talk about but I don’t want to overdo it in one post. The past few months have been just on the go and so much keeps happening and I don’t have the time to write it up.

C and I have had a fair share of ups and downs lately, arguments and makeups. He really is my first real relationship, I thought what I had with Ray was something, but it wasn’t. And I’m realizing that I did waste time on hoping for something to build up with him. C and I have moved so much faster in such a shorter amount of time. Being with him has been such a whirlwind.

I mean, last week I got attacked by one of his psycho friends. But that’s a whole post and a half there. She only pulled my hair, but still, I’ve never been in a situation where I felt my life threatened before. It’s not a fun one. But this girl is straight up psychotic. And then had the nerve to call C like nothing happened.

Via Unsplash

Anyways, guys, I miss you all. I miss blogging. I miss having time to just sit down and read your blogs, too. Change is coming, and I’ve been so focused on just making everyone else happy – and well, I’m happier when I’m with C. I do want to get back into blogging, and I have so many catchup posts I want to do. So I’m going to be trying guys, but I don’t know if I’ll succeed in this. Time will tell.

And if you stuck around and waited for me to write a post, well, you are the best and I’m sorry to have been such a slacker!

Have a lovely day ❤

3:46 PM

5 thoughts on “Journal Entry (#48)”

  1. Hi Laken! So nice to hear from you. ♡ Congrats on getting the serving job finally, but how unfair that A1 also got the promotion. I’d be so annoyed. That’s awesome that your mom is getting along with C now, sucks that he ended up having to quit the job but something better will come his way! How scary that his psychotic friend attacked you & more than annoying that other people are starting rumors & butting into your relationship. I’m jealous about your Nintendo! How exciting! My computer is so laggy, I need a new one too lol.

    Missed you babe! Hope to hear from you again soon! ♡

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much! 💜 and ohh I’m so annoyed, because I keep trying to get myself focused more over there and she’s getting all the shifts. It’s not fair. And my mom is back to having problems with me being with C. The whole thing is bipolar lmao. I am hoping he finds some luck with a job soon though. And it’s been so much! I’ve been trying to keep up but it’s hard lol. I feel like more stuff keeps happening but it’s hard to write it up and keep updated these days. I’m hoping change is coming soon though.

      Miss you, too, girly! I’ll try to post more often. I missed it 💜 hope all is well with you!

      Liked by 1 person

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