Journal Entry (#45)

May 7, 2018
4:44 PM

Hey guys,

I’ve slacked.

Honestly, I’ve just been crazy busy this last week. With everything going on, things have been all over the place. I’ve been an emotional wreck off and on. Work has been stressing me like crazy, and all my free time is being pulled by C and by my mother. My mother is like jealous of the fact I just want to be with C all the time.

It’s a lot to get into, so I’m basically just going to sum up the last week:

I got my permit! Finally. All my paperwork together, and I managed to get down to the DMV and sort it all out. Now it’s just on to driving, which I’ve yet to find time to do.

After my permit, I got my hair done! Got a couple inches cut off, and I got those highlights I’ve been wanting to get. I was nervous about going too light, and my stylist, a girl I’ve been going to for years, did everything I asked for, and I loved it. You can tell I have highlights, but it looks natural, and I love that! Next time I’ll be ready for a little lighter tones, but I didn’t want to do too big of a change at once.

My mother is accepting of the fact that I refuse to give C up, and has adjusted to the idea. She agreed to meet him, but right now it’s finding time to do all of that. They have a lot that they could talk about, too, and I know that if she would just give him the chance, she would see why I’m crazy about this guy right now. He’s just…. great.

C told me he’s going to work on straightening his life out to be with me. Cutting out the drugs, the dealing, and the shitty friends. Because being with me means so much more to him than that fake life. And it’s not going to happen overnight, but I can see him making changes, and to me that’s a start. I told him the only thing I didn’t care about was weed – because it’s legal in most places anyways. It’s weed. I like getting high every now and then, too.

The sucky part is, my mom has a point about us going on the trip. He’s on probation, and being on probation means he can’t leave the state without notifying his P.O., and if his P.O. doesn’t OK it, then he’d be marked as a felon trying to leave the state. And he’d drag me into the mix, too. So he’s going to talk to his P.O., but we’re cancelling the trip, sadly. Instead, we’re going to take that week and spend it in Pittsburgh. He has a higher chance of getting an okay to go an hour away versus out of state.

The sky was so pretty Friday night. It stormed and then the sky turned pink.

His hand is all fucked. From punching JP, he should’ve gone to the hospital but he didn’t. So with his crazy hours at work, he didn’t have time or the chance to properly take care of it or clean it out. And it got infected. He had to go to the hospital to get it properly cleaned out and they told him if he had waited any longer he could’ve lost his finger over it. They told him to check into seeing a hand doctor, and he really needs to get on it.

But work sucks.

For real, we are so understaffed right now that everyone is feeling overworked and it’s put this big tension on majority of the employees. Saturday was Cinco De Mayo, Senior Bar Crawl, Kentucky Derby, and a Penguins game was on. And we’re understaffed. It was a complete shit show and this whole past week I’ve just been feeling so fed up with work and stressing over it. C and I have very similar feelings right now, and we want out.

Saturday my stress took over. It felt like I just couldn’t catch up with anything, and I was upset already because I just didn’t want to be there. And every time I tried to do something, we had groups of college kids walking in and I don’t have the patience for it anymore. They annoy the shit out of me. Everyone kept asking me what was wrong and told me I just looked so depressed and about to cry. I was on the verge of a complete meltdown, so they told me to take a break.

I tried. I took a short walk but still felt overwhelmed. I just knew there was more I had to do and I came back 8 minutes later when they gave me 30 minutes. The new schedule was put up, and I saw that C had an even worse schedule and they didn’t even give us a day off together this week. Eventually, my kitchen manager looked at me and told me to just go home because he was afraid I was about to quit right then and there. So I just left in the middle of the craziness. Not gonna lie, I really needed it. My shoulder hurt so bad because I had so much built up tension from the stress.

I still want to get out of this job. I’m never going to be able to serve, and it sucks. It really does. But, it’s incredibly hard to find people who want to actually work. The owner is expecting too much out of us right now when we have 9 cooks, 2 kitchen managers, 1 prep guy, and 3 cashiers (A1 works prep and cooking sometimes). Not when we get as busy as we get – it’s hard to find time to give people days off, and my kitchen manager is about ready to quit because he hates being the bad guy like that and this job is wrecking his marriage.

Eventually, people have to learn that the money isn’t everything, and something has got to give. Until we get more workers, things have to change.

And I can feel changes are coming. I keep saying it, but it takes time, it really does. The days are getting warmer, the sun is shining more, and I can feel that once I leave this job, so many more opportunities are going to open up.

As for C, I don’t know where we’re going but I love spending time with him. Everyday, I just want to be around him. I don’t get bored of him, we always find things to do and just enjoy each other’s company. My mom says I’ll get bored of it or get tired of him eventually, but it’s hard to believe that now. She told me not to move in with him right now, but I feel we’d be a lot happier if I just moved in with him, too.

My mother just drives me crazy, she’s up my ass too much and inquires too much. I love her, but I like my privacy, too. She doesn’t need to know everything.

Oh! C gave me a key to his apartment, too. We went to Wal-Mart and he made me a copy. So now there’s no more excuses for me not to come over. It’s actually kind of funny how I’ll open the door and find him just sleeping – he’s cute.

C bought this Super Mario Monopoly game when we went to Wal-Mart. We played it together, it’s like it’s own take on Monopoly with a mix of Mario Kart / Mario Party. We need more people to play, but it’s a lot of fun!

And that same day we went to Wal-Mart, we passed by the Keurigs, and I told him I needed to get a new one. There was one for $59, and he threw it in the cart. I was like, “I hate you, don’t buy it.” But he never listens and he bought it. Now he’s obsessed with making himself hot chocolate and hot cider with it. It started off with this strong plastic taste until he started running the cider through the thing. The plastic taste is now gone.

We went to Wal-Mart again a couple days later, got more K-Cups, and he got himself a DVD player. So now we can watch movies in his room because he’s the “movie guy,” he says. I practically live at his place now, except I’ve never spent the night. And that’s only because of my mother.

He made a whole drawer for K-Cups and creamers. Obsessed!

I know I’ve slacked on the blog lately, I’ve just been so busy! I still have to do my Allure box post and my Splendies post. So much to do and so little time! I miss you guys, will try to work on posting a tad more often, it’s just hard right now.

Hope everyone is having a great day XOXO

5:12 PM

8 thoughts on “Journal Entry (#45)”

  1. Yay! I’m so happy for you finally getting your permit & I’m loving your new hair, Laken! It’s pretty and not too dramatic at all!
    And oh no I’m so sorry you had to cancel your vacation. Were you able to get a full refund on those tickets?! Oh gosh. He should have asked the P.O. may have said yes??? Hopefully he’ll approve of Pittsburgh & you guys get to go out & do a little something together still.
    That sky photo is beautiful!!! Wow!
    That’s so sweet that he gave you a key to his apartment!!! My boyfriend and I moved in together literally less than 3 months after dating each other and the first day he asked me to be his gf. It’s not too early if it feels right for you!
    Also, that monopoly game looks so fun! I wish I could play with you guys haha.
    Can’t wait to see your unboxing posts!!! 😄

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Awww thanks girl! And right?
      And I’m working on getting the refund now, sent in then application to cancel and request one yesterday. So we will see! He doesn’t think his P.O. would’ve said yes because he hasn’t really paid into his fines – which we are going to work on. We both just need to get out of town for a bit.
      And you’re right! I’m trying to focus on that, and it’s our relationship so it’s right to move at our own pace. It’s my mother who just likes to throw her experience and two cents in to throw me off lol.
      And ohh the monopoly game is a lot of fun ☺️
      Thanks girl 💜

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aww!! Gosh. I hope they are able to give you a full refund for your ticket!! Ah shit, okay. Would he even need to ask to go to Pittsburgh? It’s in the same state!!
        Yeah, exactly. It’s your relationship! Not your ma’s haha. 😛 But of course, she has cents to throw in since she’s is a mom lol.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Me, too! The email said I should know within a week hopefully. And I’m not really sure but I think so! Because my mom’s bf was marked as a felon and couldn’t leave the county without notifying his P.O.
        Hahah basically! She’s coming around because I’m not giving him up for her 😂


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