Journal Entry (#40)

April 18, 2018
9:18 AM

One more month. I am just about officially one month away from vacation. And I’ve yet to bring it up to my mother. Whoops. Honestly, it’s mostly because I know she’ll get mad at first. She always does. “Why didn’t you invite me, too?” is what she’ll eventually ask. I love her, but like, come on? But just like a band-aid, I’m going to have to rip it off.

Monday was… amazing? I spent almost all day with C. Went over to his place sometime around 2, 2:30 pm, and we started a game of Mario Party  we didn’t wind up finishing until later that night. The boy just can’t keep his hands to himself.

I wound up having to take a shower, again, at his place, because my hair was such a mess from the massage oil he uses sometimes. So while I grabbed a quick shower, he started digging through boxes in his apartment to locate his passport. His license expired on his birthday back in November, and he’s been talking about finding his passport for awhile. He just decided to do it then, and took about an hour doing that. Naturally, his passport was in the very last box he looked. But I got to go down memory lane a bit with him, it was kind of fun. And he has so much junk, I was nagging him.

I nag him a lot in general. This is also how C and I’s relationship is completely different from my relationship with Ray. I never really nagged Ray, or felt comfortable enough to really do that, I guess. C, I’m on his ass everyday, even at work. I catch him on his shit, and I think he likes it actually. The funny part is I actually made him clean his room because he just had stuff everywhere. I mean, I didn’t make him, but I said he needed to do it or no more sex. So, he did.

After C found his passport, we called a taxi to this Japanese Steakhouse that opened up recently. His unofficial roommate R went with us, and JP came over, too. So all four of us went out to eat together. Apparently, if you want to sit in front of the hibachi show there, you have to reserve a table, which we didn’t do. So, we just sat up at the bar.

I’ve mentioned once or twice on here (ha), how I’m a tad bit of a picky eater. Like, I’m weird as fuck with food. I’m a plain jane. It’s just how I am, and sometimes I hate it because it’s so awkward for me to go to new places. And I’ve never been to a Japanese place before, either. R and JP were mostly just there for sushi.

Doesn’t it look so good??

When we arrived, we all got drinks. C got this Love Boat mixed frozen drink the last time he was there, and we both got one of those. It tastes just like a Pina Colada, it’s so good! When it came time to order food, I settled on this sweet and spicy chicken with a side of white rice (it came with a salad I gave to C, and a soup that wasn’t bad actually). C, oh C, he got himself two dinners…. for himself. Teriyaki chicken and Teriyaki steak (which also come with the rice and salad and soup), and then on top of that, two orders of the noodles. His meal alone was close to $50. He told me he had expected to spend close to $100 (he took care of my portion, too). I was just taken aback by how much food he got for himself. The boy can eat.

It was a nice time! I wish I had gotten the chicken teriyaki like I was originally thinking, but the sweet and spicy chicken wasn’t bad. The sauce came on the side. But I tried C’s chicken and I wish I had just gotten that, so I guess that’s the choice for next time, because he wants to go back again.

The bartender working, too, also is the wife of a former employee of where we work, too, so we spent half the time just bullshitting with her. And at the end of the night, she gave C and I a pineapple upside down shot.

Everything C says – well, most of the time – is sexual. There’s the show going on at the tables where the cooks are making the food in front of them, and they’re also shooting sake in customers mouths and throwing food in their mouths. Everyone at the table starts shouting, “Sake! Sake! Sake!” and C goes, “I’ll be saying Sake right before I shoot in your mouth.” And I’m just sitting there like, “Oh God.” And shaking my head. Because he’s just laughing, and he does this kind of thing all of the time. He looks for any excuse to touch me in public, and sometimes it’s too much, but it’s all in fun, too.

We had to get an uber back to C’s, and then I had to stop at Dollar General. Promised my mom I’d get her a shower curtain because it was the one thing she asked from me, and if I keep her happy, she stays off my back. So I made C go with me since it’s right down the road from where he lives. It’s also located right next to Dairy Queen, so we stopped there afterwards for some milkshakes.

And when we got back to his place, finally, we finished that game of Mario Party, with a couple breaks in between. I’m telling you, he can’t get enough of me, it’s crazy. I’m not used to being with someone so openly crazily infatuated with me. He asked me if I love him, and I don’t know. I like him more and more the more time we spend together. But, love is a big step for me, and I’ve never told someone else I loved them. And I know C has had feelings for me for a long time, but my feelings are still developing. It hasn’t even been a month since Ray ended things with me, so it’s just moving a tad fast for me. And I know he wants us to take all these big steps together, but I’m the one holding back because I’m not fully ready for that.

I’m still figuring out what I’m doing with my life. And I think I’m kind of waiting for this vacation to come so I can make those decisions afterwards. When it comes to C, I want to see how we are together after spending a week away from everything. Spending morning and nights together, and going from there. We may be great together. I think we could be. I just need things to move at a slightly slower pace. He wants to make things official and I’m on the fence, and I’m on the fence because it feels too soon. Did I rush into this with C? I don’t know. I didn’t have a period of being single after Ray. I just got together with C, whether official or not. It’s thrown my feelings off balance. I don’t want to use him or have him be my rebound.

I really don’t want to get ready for work. That’s another thing that definitely has to change soon. I dread going to work. Being on my feet all day, it’s killing me. I know changes are going to have to happen real soon. Fingers crossed I can survive until after vacation!

Have a great day everyone xx

9:46 AM


6 thoughts on “Journal Entry (#40)”

  1. Okay so I’ve been reading your posts for a couple of months now, and I just want you to know that you’re a natural storyteller. I know you’re posting journal entries, but they’re so well written, and everything from capturing the little moments in life, to the funny bits to the sadness is done so well. You’re an excellent writer Laken and you make it look easy.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You’ll be able to survive before your vacay! ♡ I don’t think you’re rushing into things with C at all. I think you really do like him & that your relationship with Ray was just an obstacle you guys had to get over together.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha I hope so 💜 slowly getting better. And aww thanks! I really do like him, and I really did like Ray. But I’m realizing why things were so wrong with Ray, too, just by being with C

      Liked by 1 person

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