Journal Entry (#36)

March 30, 2018
11:20 AM

I’ve been all over the place this past week, I missed posting a journal entry on Wednesday even. It’s Friday and this is the first thing I’ve posted all week. Honestly, I’ve just been busier. It’s like, I broke up with Ray, and I’ve been hanging out with C a lot lately.

Sunday, A1 took half of my shift, and I left at 4 that day. Later that night, I went back up to hang out with C, who had been telling everyone it was our anniversary. It was a joke, obviously, but I’m still getting ragged about it from coworkers about our anniversary. He had to work until 11 on Sunday, but he was texting me and telling me he would get done early and he was almost done. So I wound up leaving my house around 9:30, and going to hang out at the bar for an hour or so.

Here’s the other thing about Sunday: my kitchen manager had made pot brownies for some of the employees after the crazy college weekend. So quite a few people were eating pot brownies, and Alex was eating his right at the bar, and when C got off work, he gave me part of one (I only wanted a little bit, these brownies were huge). Anyways, good time, right? Well, my other cashier, A3, who’s 18 but in high school…. she tried one. Apparently, C had told her that it did have pot in it, and even still, she kept going back for more. And they wound up having to send her home that night because she was blacking out and freaking out I guess?

Well, she called off work Monday, saying she was still experiencing blacking out. That was fine, we had one of the other cashiers, MJ, come in. Tuesday, she calls and says she’s still blacking out. And my kitchen manager at this point is highly doubting it because she was off the rest of the week for her Easter vacation, and she was calling off right after the big party weekend. He told her if she’s not feeling better by next week and can’t get it sorted out, she’s out of a job.

So, her mom comes in later. Basically, A3 was too embarrassed about her freak out with the pot, and told her parents about it. But she told her parents she didn’t know there was pot in the brownies, despite the fact that C and them told her that there was. So my manager was talking to A3’s mom, and the owner was also around, and overheard what had happened.

Basically, shit went down hard. Because the owner doesn’t care about the pot brownies, he cares about it getting out and ruining his image. Which is understandable. And this girl is in high school. Luckily, I wasn’t involved at all in that scenario, but I heard him bitching up a storm. C got sent home early on Tuesday, and his job was on the line. Mind you, it was my kitchen manager who made the fucking brownies to begin with. I don’t know the full story, but basically he was telling everyone to have his back in it.

In the long run, the owner decided that since she was 18, she was a consenting adult in that matter, and it wasn’t C’s fault that she ate the brownie, so he got to keep his job. But the whole thing was just a fucking mess. She’s obviously not working for us anymore, too, so we lost yet another cashier. And no more high school girls apparently, too.

Because she wasn’t there to work Tuesday, either, I had to stay an extra couple hours, and got to take home free food and beer. And that night, I went over to C’s. He had found out that night that he got to keep his job. And we played some Mario Party, and drank, and he had this weed cookie (so much weed in this post…), and it tasted like straight up weed, too. But I ate most of it. I think I was more stressed than C over the whole thing, if that tells you how empathetic I am towards picking up on people’s emotions. I can’t handle tense situations very well, it stresses me out. So the weed cookie was much needed.

And I got high, really, really high. It was like reliving the first time I got high all over again. It was bizarre. Because C and I had hooked up during it, too. Basically, being really high is like living out a lucid dream. It feels like you’re dreaming, but it’s reality. Everything is heightened – touch, smell, taste, sounds, even your vision is more vivid. For what you can stay awake for. It made me so tired and everything was moving, so I kept trying to close my eyes. C wound up ordering us a bunch of food that I barely ate, and he wound up passing out, and I had to leave.

One thing I’m learning about C, is once he passes out, he’s out. Like there is no waking him up at all. I was so high that I had tried to remember to grab all of my stuff, I got my purse, put my shoes on, my jacket and stuff on. And then I walked out the door… without my umbrella. And it was raining pretty heavy out. And I locked myself out of his apartment. So I tried calling him like 3 times and knocking on the door and calling his name. Didn’t work. So I said fuck it and walked home with my hood up. It wasn’t awful, and it did sober me up a bit. But he’s a hard sleeper for sure.

Wednesday, I was scheduled 1pm – 5pm. My other cashier, D, was supposed to show up at 5, but she didn’t. So, two days in a row, I got fucked. She apparently thought she was scheduled at 6 because that’s what she usually is, and I get that, but it was just really annoying. And it was annoying because C had been asking me if I wanted to go to this Japanese steakhouse place with him, TL, and TL’s girlfriend. So I was going to go with them after work, and get my umbrella off of C, and things just got pushed back and I was super annoyed. Like, I’m scheduled a certain time and then I wound up having to get stuck later than intended. And that’s so annoying to me.

C wound up dropping off my umbrella, and a bottle of wine in the back, where the back door is, while I was still stuck at work. And, he had dropped me off some Plan B, because a condom broke the other night. So even though I was getting off my period, I wanted to be safe and he understood that. I hadn’t been expecting the wine – he keeps getting me wine.

Anyways, when I finally got out of there, the owner had told me to take some food or beer home again, and I told him not to worry about it, I just took stuff home. And I was so annoyed that night I just left. I thought I had stuff to do with my mom later that night, and she decided she didn’t want to. So I wound up going out with C and TL and his girlfriend. Except we didn’t go out to eat, we just went to TL’s place to hang out.

I like his girlfriend, I haven’t hung out with her since C’s birthday. She has a 3 year old girl, who looks like she’s 5, but she’s so adorable. Not even an hour after I was there she wanted to play with me and kept coming up to me. So cute. Honestly, this girl has helped mature TL, too. He’s not such an asshole anymore. It wound up just being a totally chill night, we played Mario Kart and drank wine and just hung out. I had told my mom I’d be home around 10, and wound up getting home sometime after, and finding out I could’ve stayed out later. I was so annoyed with that. I try to do things right for once and I still get it wrong.

Thursday, I worked 1pm – 7pm. C worked 4 – Close, and he told me I should come over before work. So I wound up coming over before work yesterday, and we spent a couple hours together. Mostly, we just had sex. I think we’ve both reached the point we don’t care what people think if they see us together. I’m single now, so who the fuck cares, right? We’re consenting adults, and I don’t know what we’re really doing yet, but I’m not looking to rush into another relationship. So for now, just hanging out and hooking up and having fun with each other is enough, you know?

The free food and beer I didn’t take on Wednesday? The owner I insisted I take it yesterday, and I couldn’t really tell him no. Like, okay, I’ll take more free stuff. My fridge is filled with beer right now. I can’t drink it fast enough because I’m not home that often half the time anymore.

The killer for me right now, is that I was going to do the same thing before work today. A1’s game was cancelled, and she offered me either working 10:30am – 1pm today, or 4pm-8pm. I thought I was going over to C’s, so I picked the later. C had been texting me this morning, and I knew he was awake, so when it came time for me to leave, I thought it’d be okay. So I called him after I walked out the door at 10:20 (I let my mom just think I was working all day), and… he didn’t answer. So I called a few more times. No answer. Texted him, no answer. I stopped at Sheetz and grabbed some coffee and figured I’d try him a few more times on my walk up to his place. No answer. Went all the way to his apartment, knocked on his door, called, texted. Nothing. But I heard snoring. So I think he was passed out hard. Which I mean I get, he worked until close last night (2am), which means he probably only had a few hours of sleep. But it annoyed me because we had a plan and he fell asleep on me! And there wasn’t anything I could really do, I couldn’t get in to actually try to physically wake him up. So I left the coffee outside his door (iced starbucks drinks), and just walked home.

I was really annoyed at first but I’m whatever about it now. I started thinking about how Ray wouldn’t have done that to me, and I hate that my mind went there. It made me miss Ray, and I’ve been doing so good not thinking about him lately. C really has been helping me not think about him, because I’m investing myself in whatever this thing is right now. But it makes me realize I don’t really know what I’m doing right now. I really don’t. I’m in such an odd place right now, and I’ve spent half the time just drinking or being high, and having sex gives you a certain kind of high. I went to work happy yesterday, it was a strange feeling. I’m never happy to go to work.

I was hoping to get that same feeling today, but obviously it’s not going to happen. He works at 2 today though, so I may give him a bit of the cold shoulder. We’ll see. He has to make it up to me now. I walked all the way up there. It’s in his court now, I tried. I’m trying to give him a chance. I know he really likes me, and the sex with him is really great, it’s different, and new, but we have this connection there. Something I lacked with Ray, I think. It’s like we can’t get enough of each other. But I dunno. We’ll see I guess.

I do plan on coming back to the blog more again, I really do! I have a few post ideas in mind, just feel overwhelmed with having a life and working and getting over a breakup. So if I’m all over the place, guys, I’m sorry. I was making good progress until Ray broke it off with me.

I should probably stop rambling and try to do something productive for the next few hours before work. Thanks, as always, for sticking by me ❤

12:05 PM


11 thoughts on “Journal Entry (#36)”

  1. I’ve never tried pot brownies before. I don’t think I would want to because I’ve heard they’re more intense and I would probably freak out or something. Just doing two hits of regular pot is plenty enough for me. lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah they can get really intense lol. It takes longer to hit you, but once it hits, it hits hard. The more you take the more intense it is, too, and the longer it lasts. It’s a lot of fun, but not something for everyone!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Ok before you said that your manager called her out on in I had typed that she was lying! Ha, there was no way she was even blacking out the next day. Sometimes people freak out from smoking weed but the effects wouldn’t last til the next day lmao. I’m glad she got fired! I can’t believe she got her parents involved.
    I think C is being so sweet. So many guys would never buy the Plan B pills for their girlfriends. I read this older women’s sex blog and her partners always force her to buy Plan B… I think it’s right for the man to buy it. 🙂 I like that he did that for you & bought you wine! It’s normal for you to miss Ray but hey, you said you KNOW that C is a deep/heavy sleeper. You never know, he prob set an alarm and didn’t wake up to it. I know he’ll make it up to you!
    I totally understand if you feel all over the place, you’re so busy and going through so much. Everything will fall into place, babe. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha ohh I know! That cookie I had was way stronger than those brownies and the next day I felt high all day (still), but it was a different high 😂 I wasn’t freaking out or blacking out. She was just too embarrassed to come back to work. It was the first time she tried pot I guess lol.
      C is sweet. And ohh really? That’s crazy. C is always insistent on buying everything though. I keep going through things here and there where I’ll think about Ray and feel sad and really miss him, but I guess that’s probably normal lol. And he really is, he was an hour late to work yesterday because he was sleeping and his phone died. TL went over to his place and banged on his door until he woke up 😂 I did see C the same day I wrote this post, he got his schedule pushed back so he came in at 5 instead of 2, and we got an hour together. And then I’m walking to work from his place and my manager is driving around and he stops, rolls down his window, looks at me and goes “I’m so happy, get it girl!” Or something like that 😂 so the Cat is out of the bag. I don’t really care. And thanks so much love 💜

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha, I guess I understand why she was embarrassed but I’m sure it would have been better if she just went into work instead of getting her parents involved.
        It is definitely normal that you still think about Ray from time to time. Lol that’s so funny that your manager saw you walking to C’s house!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Haha it really would’ve been better, but she probably went home from work that night, freaked out, told her parents, and couldn’t come back from it.
        I think part of my problem right now, too, is I took that Plan B and I think it like threw my hormones out of balance because I’ve been spotting the last few days and kind of emotional 😂 and then I think of Ray lol.
        And ohh it was hilarious lol! He lives 5 minutes from work so when I was leaving his place to go to work my manager was all “uh huh,” and giving me that look lol. But he actually told both of us he’s happy for us and he just likes joking around.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yeah… haha maybe it’s a good idea that they don’t hire high schoolers anymore.
        You’re right! Plan B definitely can mess with your hormones!
        That’s awesome that your manager supports your “relationship” 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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