Journal Entry (#29)

February 28, 2018
10:30 AM

I left this blog on a sour note after the schedule incident this weekend. The funny part is, later that night, I never had to go up and actually talk to them about it, because C decided to take the matter in his hands, and approached my manager about how I wasn’t given a day off. My manager wound up calling me later that night, I didn’t answer because I didn’t recognize the number. And then I get a phone call 5 minutes later from C, or from his phone at least. When I picked it up, it was my manager and he goes, “Wow, she answered after the first ring, but when I call it goes to voicemail.”

The whole thing was light and funny, and he apologized for scheduling me like that, he was exhausted and with AA quitting last week it just left the schedule a complete mess and he’d already made multiple changes on it. Which I do understand. He wound up switching things around so today I come in 1pm-6pm and Saturday I get my day off. Which works out. So, I am much more relieved now.

It just makes me laugh because my manager says C basically came after him over it, and was all like, “Yo, we need to talk about you not giving her a day off.” I never asked him to do that, though, I had full intentions of talking to him myself. BUT, it was sweet and it saved me that awkward confrontation (I was so pissed). When I came into work on Monday it was all, “I’m so sorry,” about fucking up my schedule, and then it was all about me sending my “boyfriend” to solve my problems. It just made me laugh. But honestly, I’m so relieved, I really was stressing over nothing. They do take care of me there. I’ve just been so stressed that the slightest thing like that just sets me off.

Like yesterday, we weren’t too bad all day until it hit 4pm, and then it was like everyone came in and I got slammed with orders and the phone going off and I was the only one upfront. And that sort of thing just really stresses me out because I’m only one person, and I can’t answer the phone, ring register, and get stuff for my dine in orders plus hand out said orders all at the same time. Luckily, one of the main cooks/night manager, D, wasn’t doing much and asked if everyone was  good and I’m fucking standing there trying to get my food and the phone goes off again and I’m like, “no,” and he helped hand my food out. I don’t think they realize the shitty end I get stuck with sometimes there. When everyone comes in, it’s at the same time. And I just get stressed because of the demand of everything on top of my current stress.

I really have been so stressed and I keep talking about all the things that I want to refocus on, but I just have been too tired to really do it. I had this past weekend off and I was so exhausted and just lacked motivation so I gave myself two very lazy days where I did nothing. This month has been pretty awful as far as blogging goes, too. I haven’t even gotten around to the two posts I wanted to at least do, my ipsy and birchbox ones. So, I may be posting them very late, and the goal is by this weekend. I still want to make myself get into yoga because I think it could really help me center myself and lift some of that stress I’ve been putting on myself.

February just kind of was a disappointment in a nutshell. I didn’t even get to see Ray once, and then everyone was saying how he still should’ve gotten me flowers. C got me flowers. I just didn’t take them home. He also bought me a teddy bear, which I also didn’t take either. Ray got me nothing for Valentine’s Day. And I don’t really care, but, I do wish he was a little more romantic, especially with the distance. I dunno. I get to finally see him next week, and I’m gonna go from there with him. Because I need to figure out what I’m doing. With this relationship, with work, with my life. Everything. I need to get back on track in the worst way, and the only way to do it is to take it one step at a time. Hopefully, by this summer, I’ll be on the right track.

I’m getting there guys, it’s just gonna take me some time. March is going to be about getting refocused and getting back into the groove of this blog. I’m still serious about it. All I’ve been posting lately are journal entries, and while it’s sweet how so many of you have been leaving me positive vibes, I want to share other things other than just my life on here. I’m going to take it day by day. Tomorrow starts the new month, and we’ll see what it brings us.

10:48 AM

10 thoughts on “Journal Entry (#29)”

  1. Sounds like you and C are getting serious! Haha. It sucks that Valentine’s day with this month and you weren’t able to see Ray but I bet be would’ve got you something if he had been able to see you. Though… if the relationship between you two doesn’t seem to be improving then maybe it’s not the right time for it. It sounds like you are a ton more comfortable around C and that’s very important.
    I think taking it one step at a time is a good idea, Laken. You got this! ♡

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahah I mean we have gotten closer, he’s become one of my best friends. And it did suck, but it is what it is I guess. Honestly I think the distance is just making it really hard to move forward, and there’s just this big gap there. I want to try to talk to him when I see him next week, but I guess I’m starting to worry about the future of this relationship. And part of it is C, too. I’m comfortable around Ray, but I see him once a month (sometimes longer gaps) and I see C almost everyday and we work together and hangout a lot. And I think if I could do that with Ray, we’d be in a better place. But I also don’t know either.
      I’m definitely taking it one step at a time. It feels like there’s so much going on haha. Thanks for the support as always 🙂💜

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I still reckon that’s so nice of C to stand up for you! Distance definitely seems to make things harder but I do hope you get to spend some much needed time with Ray and talk about stuff. Yoga is quite nice in sorta spending time just unwinding. I think there’s also videos you can find of bedtime yoga routines which are also good. I totally get you on the blogging end, I’ve been really slack at it myself and with work starting next week and it all being afternoon shifts I’m kinda wary of how it’ll all work out but I do want to start getting back into it. Hopefully March will be different for both of us!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It really was sweet! And it really does make things harder, I hope I’m able to talk to him about things. And there are videos! I have an app on my phone that has like basic lesson videos. I tried it one day but haven’t been consistent at all. And ohh that’s rough. I know for me I just get so tired from work that my brain is fried and it’s hard to write or find motivation like that. Hopefully we both get back into it and March is the month for us (:

      Liked by 1 person

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