Journal Entry (#25)

February 14, 2018
9:21 AM

Happy Valentine’s Day loves. While I’ve been slacking with everything else on this blog, journal entries are the only thing I’ve been consistent with. I’m working on it, I feel like I’ve just been all over the place this month, and I’m really confused about a lot of things. Not getting my period has thrown me out of whack, I think, too.

Honestly, I feel it may be a personal thing for me right now, that I need to get through this and figure out what I’m doing. This is always the worst time of year for me, and I don’t even know why other than it’s Winter and it’s depressing. I’m in a relationship and I’m still feeling out of sorts. I think the distance thing kind of made that one even harder to count.

And now work has me working crazy hours this week, and I don’t even want the extra hours really, but my paycheck should be a good one. Trying to focus on that. It just makes it hard to get anything accomplished. And I had a three day weekend – and did absolutely nothing productive outside of some cleaning.

I’m in a funk, I know I’ll get out of it eventually, but right now it just really sucks. I don’t know what I’m doing, and I need to get myself back on the right track, but right now I just feel so unmotivated to do anything.

I know I need to talk to Ray, too. I haven’t even told him any of this, or anything that’s been bugging me lately. And I should be able to talk to him about things… but I feel like I’d just be bothering him with stupid problems when he has a lot going on. And I’m overthinking so much lately.

Because I texted him good morning and happy Valentine’s Day, and he just texted me back, “Happy Valentine’s Day! Wish I could see you today.” And that’s the first time he’s mentioned anything close to missing me lately. Maybe that’s my issue with him right now, I want him to say more things. I need him, too. I’m a needy individual when we have a lot of distance between us, and I don’t know when I’ll get to see him. It worries me. Because it makes that image of us making it really blurry. And I want to see him. I have nothing to look forward to right now.

I don’t know. I’ve been such a slacker lately, maybe next week will be better. I know I’m not going to have much motivation this week with how often I’ll be working. Speaking of, I’m a little annoyed with it, like I knew my schedule was going to get fucked this week, but not as bad as what he gave me. It’s ridiculous. I worked 1pm-7pm yesterday to cover the period where we didn’t have a cashier. It would’ve been my other day off but I took the extra hours and got free food. Today and tomorrow I work 10:30am – 6:00pm, which is normal. Friday, Saturday and Sunday he stuck me on 10:30am – 8:00pm. Here’s the thing, Friday, we’re going to have three fucking cashiers for 2 hours. I’m probably going to ask to leave at 6pm when the other one comes in, because it’s dumb for one, and two, you’re giving me extra hours this week, I don’t want to work more than I have to. And having three cashiers makes one of us kind of not sure what to do unless we are really busy. Send me home. Saturday makes sense, I have to stay until 8 because we only have me and another girl working that day. Sunday, I used to always work until 4pm. And then it got pushed to 6pm, which makes sense because of dinner. Why am I stuck until 8pm? Just because the other girl who’s hours I’m taking wants to work that often doesn’t mean I do. Why do I have to stay until 8?

My manager doesn’t know how to fucking make the schedule. He always messes it up. Hell, the last two weeks he had me scheduled until 5 on Friday when the other girl didn’t come in until 6, so I still had to stay until 6 anyways. So whatever I can get out of this weekend, I’m going to try to. I hate working weekends, we’re so busy anymore. Fridays are constant as it is. I hate it. And I don’t know what next week is going to be like yet, but I’ll be working 6 days in a row this week, so I may be looking at another long stretch. No idea.

I’m rambling. I should get myself ready for work. I don’t know if I’ll fully catch up with everyone’s blogs at this point, I’ve been slacking so much, but I still have that goal in mind. Thanks for sticking around, as always.

OH! I got my ipsy bag yesterday so I’m going to try to work on getting a post on that by the end of the week. My birchbox should also be here soon. I have a couple of awards posts I still have to get around to as well.

9:40 AM

7 thoughts on “Journal Entry (#25)”

    1. Right? And ohh that’s the worst! I never understood bosses who do that sort of thing. I had it happen to me like that once when I worked at Sheetz. Was never asked, the schedule had been up, and I was penciled in. I mean at least I saw it before the day I had to work, but it’s rude to not even discuss it first.

      Liked by 1 person

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