February 14, 2018
Happy Valentine’s Day loves. While I’ve been slacking with everything else on this blog, journal entries are the only thing I’ve been consistent with. I’m working on it, I feel like I’ve just been all over the place this month, and I’m really confused about a lot of things. Not getting my period has thrown me out of whack, I think, too.
Honestly, I feel it may be a personal thing for me right now, that I need to get through this and figure out what I’m doing. This is always the worst time of year for me, and I don’t even know why other than it’s Winter and it’s depressing. I’m in a relationship and I’m still feeling out of sorts. I think the distance thing kind of made that one even harder to count.
And now work has me working crazy hours this week, and I don’t even want the extra hours really, but my paycheck should be a good one. Trying to focus on that. It just makes it hard to get anything accomplished. And I had a three day weekend – and did absolutely nothing productive outside of some cleaning.
I’m in a funk, I know I’ll get out of it eventually, but right now it just really sucks. I don’t know what I’m doing, and I need to get myself back on the right track, but right now I just feel so unmotivated to do anything.
I know I need to talk to Ray, too. I haven’t even told him any of this, or anything that’s been bugging me lately. And I should be able to talk to him about things… but I feel like I’d just be bothering him with stupid problems when he has a lot going on. And I’m overthinking so much lately.
Because I texted him good morning and happy Valentine’s Day, and he just texted me back, “Happy Valentine’s Day! Wish I could see you today.” And that’s the first time he’s mentioned anything close to missing me lately. Maybe that’s my issue with him right now, I want him to say more things. I need him, too. I’m a needy individual when we have a lot of distance between us, and I don’t know when I’ll get to see him. It worries me. Because it makes that image of us making it really blurry. And I want to see him. I have nothing to look forward to right now.
I don’t know. I’ve been such a slacker lately, maybe next week will be better. I know I’m not going to have much motivation this week with how often I’ll be working. Speaking of, I’m a little annoyed with it, like I knew my schedule was going to get fucked this week, but not as bad as what he gave me. It’s ridiculous. I worked 1pm-7pm yesterday to cover the period where we didn’t have a cashier. It would’ve been my other day off but I took the extra hours and got free food. Today and tomorrow I work 10:30am – 6:00pm, which is normal. Friday, Saturday and Sunday he stuck me on 10:30am – 8:00pm. Here’s the thing, Friday, we’re going to have three fucking cashiers for 2 hours. I’m probably going to ask to leave at 6pm when the other one comes in, because it’s dumb for one, and two, you’re giving me extra hours this week, I don’t want to work more than I have to. And having three cashiers makes one of us kind of not sure what to do unless we are really busy. Send me home. Saturday makes sense, I have to stay until 8 because we only have me and another girl working that day. Sunday, I used to always work until 4pm. And then it got pushed to 6pm, which makes sense because of dinner. Why am I stuck until 8pm? Just because the other girl who’s hours I’m taking wants to work that often doesn’t mean I do. Why do I have to stay until 8?
My manager doesn’t know how to fucking make the schedule. He always messes it up. Hell, the last two weeks he had me scheduled until 5 on Friday when the other girl didn’t come in until 6, so I still had to stay until 6 anyways. So whatever I can get out of this weekend, I’m going to try to. I hate working weekends, we’re so busy anymore. Fridays are constant as it is. I hate it. And I don’t know what next week is going to be like yet, but I’ll be working 6 days in a row this week, so I may be looking at another long stretch. No idea.
I’m rambling. I should get myself ready for work. I don’t know if I’ll fully catch up with everyone’s blogs at this point, I’ve been slacking so much, but I still have that goal in mind. Thanks for sticking around, as always.
OH! I got my ipsy bag yesterday so I’m going to try to work on getting a post on that by the end of the week. My birchbox should also be here soon. I have a couple of awards posts I still have to get around to as well.