Journal Entry (#21)

January 31, 2018
9:19 AM

It’s officially the last day in January. Yep, we got there already. It’s crazy, time flies. I say that in every post, I swear, but it truly flies these days. Is this a sign I’m getting old? When I was a kid, time used to drag, summers felt like forever. Maybe it’s the concept of time. No responsibilities means you just go through each day without focusing on the next. Having a schedule makes you focus on the day, and therefore, it makes it faster? Something like that.

Via Unsplash

All I know is I’m sick of feeling under the weather. My cough has been coming and going, I’m stuffed up, and the back of my throat feels like shit. And my ears keep going in and out (that feeling when you just need them to pop but you can’t get them to). It sucks. Just enough to feel miserable at this point.

I have to find time to either get a gift for my friend Lauren, who’s throwing a birthday party for her one year old this weekend. I just have no clue what to even get her. I haven’t seen the baby since the hospital, so it’s hard to buy for a kid I don’t even know, and kids are hard to buy for. My mom mentioned getting like a learning book or something. I was thinking of just sticking cash in a card. It’s impersonal, but that almost describes our current friendship. I just have barely talked to her in the last year, she’s tried a few times, but things are just different. I don’t know what this kid needs. She has such a loving family. I just definitely want to go, because I want to see her and her baby, and some of our other friends. It’s been quite a long time.

Via Unsplash

So the good news is, because I took Saturday off, they also gave me Sunday off. And Sunday is Super Bowl Sunday, so I’d rather not be at work that day regardless. Not because I watch it or care about sports, I don’t, but because work gets crazy busy when there’s a big game on. Between take out pizzas, wings, and beer, it’s consistent all day. I won’t complain about being home and relaxing. I have other things I’d rather do.

I’m trying not to think about the fact I won’t see Ray for awhile, or the fact I don’t know when I’m going to see him next. I’m trying to be optimistic, trying to focus on the positive. Maybe this will give me time to just focus on getting shit done. I need to get that birth certificate, and get my permit. My one friend should still be willing to help me get my license. I need to make moves before summer. Summer is my personal deadline. I want to get things going before then.

I’ve felt so lost lately, I know it’s the seasonal depression. I just don’t know what I’m doing with my life. This time of year is always rough, I just get off track. My mom and I have barely talked, too, and I know it’s more on me this time. I want out. I want out so badly. I want my own place, I want to focus on living my own life. It’s suffocating. I don’t know how to express to her how badly I need this right now. My friend in Pittsburgh, he still wants me to move in with them. It’s the perfect start for me. I know she doesn’t want to move into the city, but that’s what I need. I want to be where I can start a future. Where I can find something more related to what I want to do. I don’t care if I find a job as a freaking assistant to someone. At least I’d have opportunity.

Via Unsplash

I’m getting too comfortable at my job. We’re at that place. After a year and a half, I’ve just established my presence. They want me to do more, to make pizzas and stuff. I refuse, because the moment I start making pizzas they’re going to use that to tell me to make them when they don’t feel like it. No thanks. Prep work I don’t mind. I’ve taken over cutting french fries. It’s kind of funny, I started cutting the fries because Alex sent me a snap of my other cashier, A3, attempting to cut fries. So the next day, I went into work and was like, “let me try.”

I tried.

I failed.

It was pathetic the first few days. To the point I was trying to bring the cutter down on the potato and my legs were hovering in the air. In my defense, I have no strength. That was actually the thing that motivated me to take over. My arms were sore the next few days. Cutting fries is apparently an arm workout. So I took over the job, and now I’m cutting buckets of fries like a pro. My feet don’t hang off the ground, I keep them on the ground and found the right stance to stand at. And my arms don’t get sore from it now. Not to say I’ve gained much muscle, but hey, a girl can try, right?

I needed something else to throw in the mix anyways. When we get slow, I run out of things to do, and I don’t want to clean. I’d rather help with prep work. My cashiers have been good about filling sauces and doing boxes, so it’s taken away the things I used to do at work. Therefore, I run out of things to do by 2, 3 o’clock. And the bar/restaurant opens up at 4pm, so we’re pretty much slow until then. Unless it’s a weekend.

Via Unsplash

I hope I can find some time to go to Wal-Mart or something this week, I need to get some food for me at the house. I’m tired of buying takeout all the time, it’s not good for my health either. I want to get some fruits and breakfast stuff, too. I think I’d actually save more money that way. Hell, a frozen pizza is still cheaper than buying a takeout one. Not that it’s healthier. It’s not at all. But money wise I want to focus on saving.

Now that I have this bullet journal, I’m thinking of making a section of weekly goals. I’m monitoring my spending habits now (at least with my bank card). Watching how much I drink, too. The last few times I’ve gone out to drank I’ve drank way too much, and it’s kind of worrisome to me. And I don’t need to waste so much on beer. I think a 6 pack every payday is reasonable. It’s $12.50 for a mix pack, and that’s normally what I get to try new beers.

I’m also trying hard not to talk myself into buying things before I get a new laptop. I was looking up new roku boxes yesterday, because I’m using a roku 1 and it gets slow and laggy at times. It’s a little outdated now that they’ve made so many. But the one I want is still around $50, and I think I should just hold off. That’s $50, maybe 2 weeks of extra money that would take away from what I have. Gotta keep focusing.

Via Unsplash

Also got to do my taxes soon. My mom likes going to H&R block. I kind of want to try doing them on my own but it makes me nervous, I don’t know shit about doing my taxes. I just would rather not lose all that money that they take from you when someone else does it.

Do you do taxes on your own? Any advice?

I have to get ready for work, I feel like I’m always late these days. Whoops.

9:43 AM

January Writing Challenge #31

17 thoughts on “Journal Entry (#21)”

  1. I totally agree on the whole time dragging when we were younger. This summer spending time away from home and having a proper break for a few weeks, I realised that I wasn’t noticing the time passing at all. Whereas when I’m at home I’d notice the time passing and just be constantly stressed about stuff that I need to do! And that sucks about your cold, have you had some lemon and honey? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s the best feeling – not even noticing the time. I notice it all the time anymore 😂 and I’ve been drinking water with lemon in it at work the last few days – like a ton of water! But I haven’t tried the honey part, I may have to 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I think January flew by, too! I read a lot of posts that said they thought January dragged on…hm. That is weird!
    Hope your cold has gone away. ❤ Did you go to the birthday party yet? I’d suggest a Barbie or something if you haven’t yet, lol.
    You really REALLY should move out to Pittsburgh with your friend!! I would be an assistant lol it doesn’t seem like a bad job at all!! Better than cutting fries, I’d say. 😉
    When I had a regular job I did my taxes for free on TurboTax’s website, it was super easy. But as a dancer; I have to go to a lady to do mine. :/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think time just flies by for me anymore because I work most days hahah.
      And it’s basically gone now! I’m on antibiotics and those are almost over (: and I didn’t get to go sadly because I was sick 😦
      Hahah I really want to move out to Pittsburgh. I think I’d be so much happier – don’t think, I know. And definitely better than cutting fries (:
      And gotcha! That’s what I want to try out this year. I think my mom wants to keep going to H&R Block. She can for hers. I had one job this last year so I’m not real worried about it. And I can imagine taxes are weird as a dancer!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Time always flies for me, too!! The fastest days are my days off.
        I’m so happy to hear you’re feeling better!! Sounded like an awful little bug… so sorry you had to miss that party because of it! I know you’ve been wondering about that friend of yours since she had her baby…
        Do it, Laken! Your mom will find a way to survive without you. Move to Pittsburgh!!!
        I think H&R Block is expensive lol yeah, totally… do yours online! for free! 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      2. My days off definitely fly by, too! Way too fast lol
        And aww thanks! It was, I’m happy to be past it now. And I was bummed out, but she still hasn’t gotten back to me. I left her a few messages apologizing. Oh well.
        And I really want to!
        And ohh it is expensive haha. I would rather do mine online. I don’t have to call off work to do that either lol

        Liked by 1 person

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