Journal Entry (#20)

January 28, 2018
8:24 PM

My time with Ray is always so short! I’m realizing the distance is what’s really killing it right now. I hate the fact that it takes an hour to drive up here, and that’s with no traffic rush. The weekend was a lot of fun, just so short, as always. And, Ray informed me that the next two months are going to be really busy with school. So in February he has a lot of events he has to go to, and in March, because he switched shifts at work, he’s covering a lot of weekend shifts in March. Which sucks, because it’s going to make it even harder to see him.

He suggested that maybe he can come up for one night and we can rent a hotel room, like we did before. Which is definitely a possibility, but also kind of sucks. Then again, I’d rather do that than go two months without seeing him. And I’d rather do that than invite him to spend it at my place, where privacy would be hard to find. But I dunno, that is another option to save us money. I wish I had a friend with an extra room we could crash in for a night. But if I’m seeing him once a month, I really need some private time with him, too.

This whole weekend I felt like I needed to confront him, to talk to him about things, and damned if I say I didn’t really talk to him at all about the little things that have been bothering me. I wanted to, had full intentions to today, but I didn’t want to ruin the moment. I didn’t want to make things feel sad. Because, he really does want to make this work, he wouldn’t have made those suggestions otherwise. It’s hard on me because of the distance, and I’m craving more affection. But it’s not worth it to end things because he’s busy with school. He’s a great guy, he really is. I’m always happy when I’m with him. I do struggle with talking to him, and I know it’s because, like I said, the distance. Throw a busy schedule into the mix, and it’s a recipe to pull people apart. And I miss him. I know there’s a hole in our relationship, but I’m starting to think it’s not him, it’s me. I’m the one not asking or prying, I’m the one who can’t open up and ask. I’m the one holding back more than he is. If I want something, I need to speak up. I can’t expect him to be a mind reader.

Anyways, he picked me up Friday night, and by the time we got back to his place, it was around 9 or 10. He was really tired, so we wound up throwing this movie on Netflix, it’s a Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode on the movie Werewolf. Basically, they commented on everything going on in this movie, and it was actually really hilarious. The movie was awful, and they picked up on every bad and terrible thing they did in this movie. Definitely entertaining to say the least! Ray and I just watched that, and fell asleep after it was over.

Saturday, Ray had a CPR class to go to at the hospital from 9am-12pm. Since he had that class, I wound up laying in bed until 10, and then grabbed a shower and drank some coffee while I waited for him to get back. I was feeling mixed about my feelings, just little things. Like he didn’t give me a kiss before leaving. When he got back from his class, we talked about going out to lunch because we were both hungry. He wound up getting a call from his brother, and he said that his brother and sister were going to Fat Head’s Saloon soon, and we decided to just go out to lunch with them.


Ray had apparently left his lights on all night in his car, and his battery wound up dying. He couldn’t get the car to turn on at all, and he didn’t have jumper cables. So, he’s frantically calling his sister, and they wound up coming to pick us up and figure out what to do about his car. After a lot of uncertainty, we decided to go out to eat for lunch, and pick up some jumper cables at a hardware store afterwards.

I’d never been to Fat Head’s before, but I love some of their beer (mostly just the Bumble Berry I’m a big fan of). It’s basically a pub with a lot of different craft beers, and house beers, and the general type of food you’d find at a bar (burgers and the like). I’d met Lisa and Mark before a couple of months ago, so it wasn’t too weird. They’re really nice. I kind of stayed quiet for a good part of it, though, because they were talking about hospital stuff for a chunk of it, and I have no relation to any of that. And Ray’s schooling. And a comment about their mother, who I haven’t met. I stayed mostly quiet. But the food was really good, I got a bacon cheeseburger and it came with an obnoxious amount of fries – which were also really good. We all got beers, too. I tried Fat Head’s Goggle Fogger, which is a hefeweizen. Since it was only lunch, I wanted to try to stay light on the beers, and this one was right around 5%, and was easy to drink.

Mark wound up buying lunch for all of us, which was really sweet of him. After lunch, we left and drove to the closest hardware store, which was this small shop located uptown. We walked in and the guy at the counter asked us what we were looking for, and we told him jumper cables, which were close upfront. The funny part is, Mark had mentioned he should get some jumper cables, too, because he didn’t have any. So not only did Ray get some, so did his brother. There was only two in stock and when they brought them up, the guy at the counter was like, “wait, you’re getting jumper cables, too? Why do you need two sets?” And they basically reiterated that since no one was prepared this time, next time someone for sure would have cables on them. The guy was really suspicious, which was hilarious. Ray and his brother probably bought out the rest of their stock.

So finally, we had jumper cables. We head back to Ray’s, and Mark pulls as close as he can to Ray’s car. It’s a one way street he lives on, and the road is a little narrow with cars parked on either side. He managed to park next to Ray’s with enough room for cars to pass. It probably took a good 20 minutes or so to figure out what we were really doing, but after a few moments where we weren’t sure if it was going to work or not, Ray’s little Jetta finally came back to life. What a relief his battery wasn’t completely dead. Mark and Lisa left, and Ray and I drove around for a bit to make sure it was going to stay alive.

Which it did. It stayed alive.

Via Unsplash

We got back sometime before 4pm and it had already been such a long day, Ray was tired and wanted to take a nap. And I was kind of tired, too, so we laid down for a couple of hours, and just were lazy. After awhile he made us get up and we went downstairs and played some games on the PS4. His roommate showed up a little while later with this girl he possibly is dating. He and her were going to watch Season 3 of Twin Peaks, and Ray and I wound up sticking around for a couple episodes. During those episodes, we talked about getting food, and I mentioned pizza sounded good. And…. he did it again. He ordered that taco pizza from the same place. Which frustrated me. Again. Because he apparently didn’t remember ordering it that last time, and that I barely ate anything then. He spent all day telling Mark and Lisa how I didn’t like vegetables, and then he orders a pizza covered in them. What really annoyed me is he didn’t even ask me if I wanted that, he just asked his roommate if he would eat some of it.

So I got annoyed over it. And the entire time we’re waiting for this pizza to arrive I just kind of sit by myself on the couch. Because I’m just frustrated, and I knew I wasn’t really going to eat much. And when it arrived, he brought me two slices of it (I mean at least he tried I guess), but then he saw me pick everything off and he was like, “oh right.” But see, there’s some also chopped in with the meat, so I ate about half of it before just not wanting to try anymore. I’m weird with food and I hate that about myself, but I am. And it’s hard for me to really change that. When he saw I basically gave up eating it he goes, “Oh did you not really like it,” and I go, “it was okay.” Like, you ordered this last time and you couldn’t remember my reaction then? I think his memory is kind of terrible sometimes. I was pretty full from lunch though, so at least I ate a lot then.

Via Unsplash

Ray wound up leaving a little bit later, he had a bottle of whiskey and his jacket over at someone’s house, and he wanted to bring it back for us to drink. That didn’t take him too long to do, so when he came back, he poured us some whiskey and coke. At that point, I happily drank it to help take the edge off. A drink later and I was cuddling back up to him, frustration over with. I haven’t even mentioned yet, I still haven’t gotten my period yet, so I lucked out this weekend with that. But it hopefully should come over the next few days. To make it miserable though, I’ve been coughing and hacking my lungs up the last few days, and I’m all stuffy. It’s miserable.

I wound up having two whiskey and cokes, and the second one shot me down for sure. I was done and ready for bed. Ray mentioned playing some Smash Bros or something, but I was so tired at that point. I beat him upstairs and brushed my teeth and crawled into bed. We didn’t fall asleep right away, but we weren’t playing Smash Bros either. It was a good night.

Via Unsplash

And then today, Sunday’s are always the worst. There’s this gloom about leaving just hanging over the entire day. We wound up going out to breakfast (at lunch time) at this place called Pamela’s, which we went to once before. They have really good breakfast, and I had this ham and cheese omelette, which french fries and toast. Ray got this Tex Mex omelette, and we shared these strawberry filled hotcakes (which were yummy and not super sweet!).

After that, we went to do some grocery shopping at Aldi’s and then at Giant Eagle. Nothing too exciting. When we got back, we just played some Wii U before the inevitable came and we had to start heading back. Ray has a test tomorrow that he needed to do some studying for.

The sky was so pretty on our drive back!
It’s a little blurry but I just love sunsets!

So we headed back. When we got back into town, I asked him if he was hungry yet, because I wanted to stop at work to check the schedule anyways, maybe we could just get food there and spend some more time together? He was down, and we had food at the bar. My managers saw him this time, and my kitchen manager comes over and introduces himself and goes, “wow, you actually do exist!” to Ray. It was entertaining. The bar manager, who jokes around with me all the time at work, wound up getting our food for us, too, which was really sweet. He always takes care of me or hooks me up with drinks. Hell, most of them do because I don’t go out that often. It was a really nice time, and I’m glad I got to show him off a bit, too.

Eventually, though, it was getting later than he had originally intended on staying out for, and we had to leave. It sucked. I really need to be closer to him, it’s what’s making this relationship difficult. I just hope I get to see him soon.

I know this is a really long entry, so I’m going to end it on this note, I can’t stop coughing, this sucks. Hoping to have the energy to get tomorrow’s post started, and maybe play a game or something in a bit. I hope everyone had a good weekend!!

9:17 PM

January Writing Challenge #28

12 thoughts on “Journal Entry (#20)”

  1. I swear, guys are so clueless sometimes. That doesn’t really surprise me about the pizza thing. I’ve gotten frustrated with my ex for similar reasons. It’s like they can’t remember anything.

    Those photos are really pretty. I love sunsets too.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m glad you’re staying positive about it, but I really hope you can work up the courage to talk to him about those little things. I’m sure it will really help (: happy you two had a nice weekend together!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. haha it sure can get frustrating when people don’t remember those little things but I hope you do get to talk to him about them eventually 🙂 and that sunset looks beautiful! I love it when the sky is full of colour

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lol oh my gosh, I can’t believe he ordered that pizza again! You should have reminded him that you hate that pizza when he asked his room mate/before he ordered it.
    Sounds like you two had a nice weekend together! That really sucks that he’s going to be so busy the next couple months. :/ Was C at work when you brought Ray in? Haha.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Right? I was just disgusted at that point when he didn’t even ask me lol. I should’ve said something, but was too annoyed.
      And we did (: it just sucks I don’t know when I’ll see him next. Haha C was actually on break or something when we got there because I didn’t see him until we left, and C was cooking and didn’t see us.


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