If you’ve been following my blog for awhile, you know that I’ve used dating apps for a few years. Made a few posts on my tinder experiences (here and here), and have commented on it on various posts. Through my experiences, I’ve learned quite a few lessons. Not just based off of the actual app itself, but with dating in general. Modern dating is confusing as hell to me at times.
Men are usually looking for a quick fix
I’ve had various experiences where one of the first messages I’d receive from a guy would be sexual related. I’ve had experiences where I’d be talking to a guy, we’d get flirty, and out of nowhere, he sends me a dick pic without being asked. I don’t know why guys think this will get them laid, but seriously, you gotta stop with that. I’ve also had cases where I’ve been lead on into thinking the guy was into something more, until he got what he wanted. As someone who is straightforward, I’ll never understand people who lie and manipulate like that.
If it’s too good to be true, it usually is
You know the feeling, when you match with that cute guy you were keeping your fingers crossed for. It happens, and you read his profile – he sounds perfect. So you wait for a message… that never comes. Impatient, you get some guts and you write a message to him, initiating the conversation. He never replies. A week or so goes by, no message. You think something is wrong with you, but truth is he probably was drunk and swiped right on everyone.
The same can also be said for those guys who actually talk to you, make you think, “Wow, he’s able to hold a conversation,” you talk about meeting up, and then…. he stops talking to you! Out of nowhere. You give him space, thinking something may have happened. After awhile, you confront him, ask if something was going on, or did you do something? He’ll either continue ignoring you, or say he found someone else. Or say he’s not interested.
Don’t have expectations
The best experiences I’ve had off of this app, have been after I lost any expectation. Don’t go into it hoping for a relationship, because it’s hard to find a partner who feels the same way you do. It really is. After finding out that most men, especially in college (I live in a college town), are looking for more of a hookup partner than a girlfriend, I set my expectations lower. I had a few flings, that were actually kind of great. But I reached that place where I didn’t want to keep doing that, and I reached it fast.
After you go through a few experiences, you pick up on what you’re actually looking for. Traits you like, traits you despise. You figure out what kind of company you actually are looking for. And sure, sometimes you experience something not so good, but I learned my lessons, and real life dating can be just as hard. Everyone is on their phones these days, and as an introvert, dating apps helped me to get myself out there.
The funny thing, too, is I’ve made a couple of friends off of the apps. I have a good friend, who I still talk to daily, that I met off of Tinder. We started off kind of flirty, but, falling more on me getting involved with someone else, we wound up just being friends. And it’s kind of great.
Don’t let someone convince you that you have to do something for them
There are times, especially with men I’ve noticed, where they try to convince you to send them pictures, or something related to those lines. I’ve had guys tell me they didn’t even have to be sexual, but some of these guys, I just didn’t feel comfortable doing that. Like, you see my pictures on my profile. You’ve seen a few pictures of me on snapchat, you don’t need my picture everyday.
If you don’t feel comfortable with someone, let them go!
Seriously, don’t ever let someone talk you into doing something you’re not ready to do, or something completely out of your comfort zone. I’m the kind of person who hates to disappoint, I’ve fallen into this a few times. It doesn’t make you feel better, and it’s usually not worth it. Honestly, too, it never turns into anything either. You’re just setting yourself up for disappointment.
Good things can come out of meeting a stranger
As most of you should know, I met my current boyfriend off of Tinder. We’ve been dating close to 8 months now, and it still amazes me that I found someone who actually wants to be with me off of this app. It took me over 2 years. I’ve had my fair share of close encounters, but they always wound up in disappointment. That was before Ray.
Even aside from meeting someone (finally), I’ve still had some good experiences, and some great lessons. Dating apps let you meet different people, and it’s up to you what you take from that. Everyone has a different experience (or a similar one), and not everyone likes them either. My best friend isn’t into meeting people off of dating apps, but she recently downloaded Bumble again (which is an app that lets you swipe on people, and women have to message first).
I say, it really depends on you, and what you’re looking for. Dating is messy, and I’ve been ghosted quite a number of times. You think something is going well, you meet this person, and suddenly, they quit talking to you? It’s so confusing. And then there’s the fact you discover that there are a ton of weirdos out there. I’ve had guys message me asking me if I was into feet because if not, they weren’t interested in wasting their time. That’s only one example.
Have you ever used a dating app? Did you have more good or bad experiences off of using it?
January Writing Challenge #22