Last month, I made a post about some of my experiences using tinder (here). While writing that post, I realized that it was too much for one post, so I decided to break it up into a few parts. In part one, I talked about W and Nate mostly, the first two real guys I met off of the app. Does it sound bad if I turn around and say I met a lot of guys off of the app? Or at least talked to a lot? Majority never lead anywhere, or I’d get a date here and there and then that was it.
Picking up from last post, after the whole W and Nate fiasco that ended, I was in a funk. I tried PlentyOfFish out, but didn’t really like the setup for the app. I mentioned in a post about one of the guys I met off of there, super tall guy, in my best and worst dates (here). I’m 5’0″, and he was 6’5″. I talked to a few other guys off of the app, but it was short lived. I met another guy named Larry, but wasn’t really feeling it, and disappointed him when I told him I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I was in this real funk, I wanted something, didn’t want something serious, but yet kind of did. I just wanted to feel something, it’s what loneliness does to you. Eventually you just don’t care if it’s meaningful, you just seek good company.
I remember going on this date with this guy named Paul, we hung out and watched a movie in his tiny apartment. He picked me up when it was super cold and icy outside, and we pretty much cuddled the entire movie. But it was weird, like I would’ve been okay if he had pursued more, but he didn’t. And he stopped talking to me after. I gave up on it.
This is the real thing right here – I’d go on dates with these guys and feel like we had a great time. And then… they would disappear. No explanation, just fade. This is the problem with modern dating, and I can’t say much because there have been a few instances where I’ve just let things fade, too. I’m just as guilty.
Towards the end of this funk, I met a good friend of mine off of the app. Let’s call him Blake. Spring of 2016, I started talking to him off of Tinder, and almost two years later, we still talk often. As friends now. We did start off with the possibility of something happening, he was so nice! And we had a lot in common – he’s a gamer. And we just connected on how we feel about people and even now we still vent and talk to each other about things. He tells me about his girl problems now. He’s actually the one I bought my Wii U off of, he offered me this really good deal for it. We’ve met up a couple times, but just as friends. In the beginning I had thought about turning it into more, but then something else happened with someone else for me, and I really didn’t want to be involved in a distant relationship (lmao considering my current status). But at that time especially, I just wanted to stay local.
Shortly after meeting Blake, I had been talking to this guy I used to go to high school with. He was a grade below me, but we had once shared a Spanish class together. Every time he would message me on tinder it was mostly to talk about how we should get high together. I’d never been high before (and I’m going to have a post later on in the month about this). The idea to me was something I really had wanted to try – just to say I tried it. Hard drugs were (and are still) something I’d rather avoid, but getting high, there’s no addiction to it unless you smoke it everyday all the time. So I had this one day where I said, “fuck it,” and I went over to meet K (we’re calling him K), and I got high for the very first time. And he told me touch feels amazing when you’re high, and we wound up kissing and having sex. And at that time, it was the best I’d ever had, and I really think a lot of it had to deal with being so relaxed. K and I had a fling that lasted for a month or two, and then he moved to North Carolina after graduation for a job. It never would’ve gone anywhere, but it was fun while it lasted.
After K left, I went through another funk. Because for every good thing, I was always left alone in the end. My next memorable experience after him, was maybe a month or so later, and it wasn’t a good one. I’d been talking to this guy, Joe, and he’d been really flirty with me, and talked about taking me out to dinner, and we kept trying to find a time to hang out. Finally, we did find a day to hang out. He told me that he had been looking for his frisbee (I think) because we had a conversation about playing frisbee, but since he couldn’t find it, we just went to hang out at his apartment. Which at that time, I thought nothing of.
So we get to Joe’s apartment, and…. he throws on Netflix. I may have been naive, but I wasn’t stupid. So when he had his arm around me and started kissing me, I just went with it, because honestly? I went through a huge period of just not caring about things, I wanted to try to live in the moment, even if it was just meaningless sex with someone I hardly knew. So I hooked up with this guy, and he got a shower after and asked if I wanted to join him. I told him no. And then after, he had class or work to go to, something like that.
I guess I’m the type who is straightforward about what I want, that there’s a part of me that expects others to be like that, too. So I didn’t realize right away that I got played. Because he said he wanted to take me out on a real date. So this foolish part of me thought that I’d at least see him again.
This fucker played me to the hills. I asked him about meeting up again, and he would make up excuses. After awhile, he just stopped texting me as much, and then he ghosted me out. I was so perplexed because I couldn’t figure out what I did wrong. Because obviously, I did something wrong, right?
I texted him. Confronted him, I needed to know why he stopped talking to me.
He told me that if he hadn’t of acted the way he did, I wouldn’t have slept with him. It made me sick to my stomach.
How can a person be so cruel like that? To play women as a sport. I know these scenarios existed, but before this guy, I had never been in that sort of situation. I didn’t even mention the worst part. I found this guy on Facebook. He had a girlfriend. His relationship status was with this girl. And I should’ve messaged her to let her know what a fuckhead she was with. But I didn’t. I’m a coward in that sense.
I still hope his dick falls off, what a sick excuse for a human being.
I think this is a wrap up for this part. This may turn into a monthly series, I have so much to share. I went through quite a number of experiences, the more I’m looking back on. Some I’ve talked about here and there, so there may be another two parts. If anything, some of these memories make me realize that Ray is such an amazing guy compared to what I’ve been through.
January Writing Challenge #4