Journal Entry (#7)

December 10, 2017
9:19 AM

It’s snowing outside. It’s the first time this season there’s snow on the ground to prove it. Can I just say, I’m so not ready for this shit show that is Winter. I freeze too easily for one, and snow tends to ruin all my plans – every time. You make a plan a couple weeks in advance, and it snows badly the day you plan to go out of town. It makes me nervous, I really want to spend New Year’s with Ray, and right now that’s the plan we’re going towards. I don’t know when he and I can actually see each other until then. He’s finishing up his semester, I’m training new girls at work. Plus, the holidays. My mom wants us to get all this shit done before Christmas, and it just feels like there’s so much to get done.

This is why I need to be down in Pittsburgh. Because at least it wouldn’t take us a month to see each other. People tell me it’s excuses that he hasn’t come up to see me, but I disagree. He has a lot going on with school, and what’s the point in him coming up for a couple of hours versus spending a whole day – or weekend together. It does suck, but that’s kind of where we are with it. We both agreed on that. It’d be completely different if I had my own place, but I don’t.

Anyways, I am training a couple of new girls at work – I trained one last week and I started training a newer one yesterday. She’s still in high school, but she’s 18. My kitchen manager actually hired her so she could work the weekends, and I could get some weekends off again so I could see Ray. So hopefully, January brings us more weekends together. Again, I’m worried about snow, because January and February are the worst months.

Random thought – this may actually mean I have someone for Valentine’s Day. It legit may happen for real, because things are still going well for Ray and I. And here’s the thing: I’m 24 years old and have never had a boy for Valentine’s Day – or the holidays in general. And it sucks that we can’t really spend the main holidays together, due to distance and he has his own family, but maybe, just maybe, we can spend it together next year.

It’s not even that Valentine’s Day is a big deal – but it really is a Single’s Awareness  Day. And I spent a lot of them being very aware I was single. And I hated it. I’ve probably mentioned a few times that the winter months bring me down. Pretty sure I get the Seasonal Depression. Because once it hits spring, and it starts getting nicer out, I’m so much happier and optimistic. Gloomy days just bring me down, and everything tends to fall apart in the beginning of the year. Money is always a big issue, I’m stuck inside too much. I think a lot of it is the isolation I start to feel. I’m hoping things aren’t that bad this year, it’s December and I’m still feeling optimistic. My drive is so much higher this time around – I have goals and I have a reason to make them happen. Multiple reasons.

I’m hoping that we can locate my birth certificate soon. With the holidays, it’s hard to spare that extra $20-$30 on buying a new one, and who knows how long that’ll take to send. Anything with the government takes forever, I swear. Once I get that, I can go and officially get my permit again. Makes me so mad my State ID didn’t work. I figured it wouldn’t, everyone talked me into it. But at least I got the test done and over with, I just dread sitting at the DMV again.

On another note, my coworker, O, used to own a Taco shop uptown. They closed down, but he still runs a catering business. He asked me to help him and his wife out next Sunday for some extra cash. I got my shift switched around, so I get to help basically serve and clean up for 5 hours versus being stuck at work. Plus, it’s $10 an hour and all in cash. So, a quick $50, which I really need. And then after that’s done, we can come back and hang out at the bar for our annual Christmas Work Party.

Speaking of, last year was pretty rough on me. Because, it’s free drinks for employees. So everyone who wasn’t working, was up there. And me, who went out even less last year than this year, had never really gone out to our bar (which I really still have hardly used the advantage of having half off drinks everyday). Basically, I drank too much, because, Hello, it’s free drinks! And people kept giving me drinks. I remember getting my picture taken with the servers and a couple of the cooks. Found it on Instagram later and screenshot it just to save it. I was hella drunk.

To make matters worse, I had just been broken up with by the guy I was seeing this time last year. Well, it’d been a couple of weeks, he had broken up with me on Black Friday last year. And, after about a week, I had downloaded Tinder again, because even though I wasn’t looking, I figured talking to someone new might help me move past it. Anyways, I matched with one of my coworkers at the time (he later on got fired in March for something so dumb (on his part), but that’s a whole other story for another day). Let’s call him… Leo. LOL. But anyways, I had this attraction to my coworker, that was super dumb.

How dumb? I saw his picture come up on my tinder and it took me a day to even swipe right on him because it made me so nervous. Like, my finger wouldn’t even swipe on him because I was afraid. He had made a comment the one day at work asking if I would swipe right on him on Tinder, and then I saw him on there. Also, Leo only ever worked on Sunday’s because he had another job (he was one of their older employees, been there 3 years. He also got fired from other job later on, again, another story). Anyways, I swiped right on him and we matched. And he sent me this message on there saying he knew I would swipe right on him, because you have to swipe right on people you know – just to see, you know?

At the Christmas Party, I was texting him, because he was out of town and on his way back. And he shows up sometime around 10 PM, and I’m already drunk and feeling dumb. I was so drunk there was a point I was sitting at a table by myself and sort of zoning and passing out, so one of the servers brought me over to their table so I wasn’t alone. When Leo showed up, I eventually made my way over to that table I left, because everyone was sitting there. And I’m still so out of it that I’m almost passing out again on the table, and Leo eventually offers to give me a ride home – he just got there and barely drank yet. So we’re walking out, and he tells me not to throw up in his car. Oh, to make it more fun, I was so drunk I forgot how to put my jacket on. He had to help me put my jacket on. I was bad. So he drives me home, and I so wanted something to happen that night, but it didn’t.

So, last year’s Christmas Party was a hit. I’m just hoping not to get that drunk that fast this year. I want to at least hang around for a few hours. Plus, I’m not hung up on a guy who doesn’t want me. So, in my head, that makes things a lot better. I can just hang out with my friends, and that’s always fun. I really do have fun just hanging out with the guys.

On a side note, I hit over 5,000 views on this blog, and I’m close to 300 followers. What an accomplishment, never thought I’d still be this adamant about blogging everyday. I love it so.

9:46 AM

December Writing Challenge #10

11 thoughts on “Journal Entry (#7)”

  1. It really is nice that you have those new girls so you won’t be working so much anymore! The catering job sounds like it won’t be so bad!
    I really hope you can find your birth certificate and that the snow doesn’t hit ya too hard so you’re still able to hang out with Ray.
    The last little story about you being so drunk you forgot to put your jacket on made me laugh a little. The fact that Leo didn’t do anything to you/with you proves he’s a nice guy! He prob didn’t want to feel like he was taking advantage of you!
    Hope you have fun at your work Christmas party this year!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It definitely is nice (:
      And thank you 💜 I hope so, too!
      Hahah well, I dunno about Leo being a nice guy, but he wasn’t all bad. I’ll probably write a post about him at some point, nothing ever came from him and it’s probably for the best.
      And thanks hun! 💜☺️

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve been single the last 6 Valentine’s Day’s, so I know what you mean about the single awareness thing. But I just try to treat it like any other day. Sometimes I’ll make cake or brownies as a treat for myself though. lol At least you have someone this year, but that sucks you’ve never gotten to spend actual Valentine’s Day with someone. Even when I did, I still thought it was a little overrated though. When I was with my ex, on our last Valentine’s together, all he got me was a little tulip. I was so mad. Apparently I wasn’t worth roses. He turned into an ass though, I’m glad we broke up. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s true! It’s best to treat yourself on that day when you’re alone 🙂 and it probably is really overrated haha, there should be other special days outside of Valentine’s Day, but I guess it’s just the spirit of it or something lol. And ohh yeah you definitely deserved better lol, what an ass! It’s good you broke up!

      Liked by 1 person

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