Journal Entry (#2)

November 9th, 2017
9:02 PM

I’m cheating. Sort of. I’m writing this post a little in advance. Mostly because I have work tomorrow and I’ve been finding more motivation to write at night when I have work, versus trying to rush to get a post done within an hour, and then have to rush to work. Which has been what’s been happening the last few times, so here I am, writing this post at night the night before (I work until 8 tomorrow (today?) so I’m really not going to feel up to writing much). 

Via Unsplash

This week has been semi interesting, with quite a few dashes of annoyance. Let’s start with the fun part! Tuesday night was two of my coworkers’ birthdays, so they wanted to go out. I got out of work at 7pm, so I went home, ate, and waited for someone to let me know where to meet them. They finally got back to me around 10 pm, and I met them up at one of the bars uptown. On Tuesdays, since we work where we do, and this place is also owned by the same owner, we get half off drinks and food. So I paid $1 for the Bud Light draft I got there. There are some perks to my job.

When I arrived, we played some pool. Which, let me tell you, I suck at. Like, I’m terrible. My friend, let’s call him C (his birthday), was my partner, and he helped me land the final shot by helping me knock the 8 ball in. That made me hyped, lol. I also met my one coworker’s girlfriend (let’s call him TL), and it was actually nice having a girl to hangout with and talk to. I’m not the biggest fan of this guy, long story short, he pisses me off at work because he’s an asshole. But outside of work, he’s actually not a terrible guy.

The guys finished off their beers, and then they all went to the bathroom. Together. I’m not dumb, I know exactly what they were doing in their, and I got the offer, too, but I said no. The only drug I touch is weed. I don’t care if you shoot lines, I’m just not about that life. Honestly, I’m curious about what it’d make me feel, but it’s not worth it to even try it to me. I’ve seen my mom in an awful state all whacked out on coke, I made a promise to myself never to try it. 

Via Unsplash

Anyways, we left that bar and went back to our work bar, and had a few drinks there. I actually love our bar, not only do we as employees get half off at the bar everyday, any day, but we actually carry a lot of great beers, and they’re always changing out. This time, nothing really caught my eye on the draft menu, though, aside from the Southern Tier Coffee Pumpking, which I’ve tried before in a bottle ($4 single bottle right there), but it’s really good. It’s actually like $7 for an 11oz glass, but with my discount it makes it $3.50 which is awesome. I had three of them, but I actually only had to pay for one. The one bartender manager covered my one (because I only go out like once in awhile), and C bought my other one. His birthday but he bought my drink lol. 

Things actually started getting fuzzy towards the end of the night. I was once told that the percentages really do get you, the Pumking is 8.6%. And I drank it like water because that’s what I do in social situations – I drink and I observe. And then I talk a lot when people talk to me. To me, I didn’t drink that much, but I really should’ve monitored it better. I think I stayed until almost close, and with work the next morning, I really didn’t intend to stay out that late. I remember paying for my drinks and walking home, and walking home was the real challenge.

I probably should’ve asked someone to help walk me home, because I was not well off at all lol. But, I learned something. If you focus all your energy on the fact that you have to get home, it’s survival, you can do it, even under the influence. Because I focused myself on moving one step at a time and I somehow got home in one piece. 

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The next morning was God awful though. I actually woke up with a massive headache and I laid in bed as long as possible. And when I forced myself to get out of bed, I actually threw up. I took some ibuprofen, and my stomach wasn’t sitting well at all. Drank what water I had left in my room, but forced myself to get up and get ready. The hard part was the shower, I actually threw up in the shower, too (I know that’s gross). It was bad. But I couldn’t miss work, it’s not like I had a legit reason, they all knew I went out, and I’ve seen so many of my coworkers show up at work hungover, I get one day, too. Somehow I managed to get myself water and some food before leaving.

Work was extremely long, though, I was sooooooo off and tired. No energy at all, I felt I was moving in slow motion all day. Thank God my one coworker (A) wanted to pick up the extra hours (she lost Monday because she got pink eye) so she offered to stay until 6 and let me leave at 4. I struggled the last couple hours, and went home and straight to bed. Today I actually felt back to normal after being all rested. 

So that was the fun part of the week.

I’ll keep the annoyed part to a minimal, but it starts with my work schedule. Last Saturday when I got to work, I saw on the schedule I had three days off (Thursday, Friday, and Saturday). A had told me she wasn’t sure which days I would get off because she had a meeting she didn’t know the day for yet. I said it was cool, but I figured when the schedule got posted, that it was all figured out or that J just decided to give me all three days off. Granted, I should’ve known better.

Via Unsplash

So it actually turns out I had Thursday and Saturday off, but work Friday. Which is just… annoying. Because if the schedule is posted, that’s how my schedule should stay. I actually want my hours cut back so I can serve, but it’s like we had that one talk about me serving, and it was never brought up again. J says, “Oh if you really want to do it, we’ll make it happen.” And now I’m feeling it’s not going to happen unless I make a scene out of it. And I’m not looking forward to that. Because… it’s not fair. 

I get that I’ve been there for over a year, but I’m starting to feel drained and worn out from the job. I understand that everyone else works 50-60 hours a week, and I have no room to bitch at my 40… but it leaves me no time to get anything else done. And I want to serve, so I need my hours cut back so I can take on a couple shifts throughout the week. 

The drawback? The semester is winding down and the college students will be heading back home in a couple of weeks. Which means half of our staff will be leaving, including my other cashiers aside from A. So my hours are not going to get cut, if anything they’re staying the same. Even J came to me and said he gave me the weekend I requested off next week, but after that, I’m with him for the long haul, right? And I just kind of dyed a little on the inside. 

Via Unsplash

Why do I care so much about other people’s jobs? It’s not what I want to do right? So why does the responsibility feel like it’s also falling on me? A lot of it is my empathetic nature. If someone else is stressed, I feel that stress and it wears me down. 

They know I’ve applied to other jobs at the bank. Granted, they never called me back, but that’s not the point. They know I don’t intend to stay here forever, so why does it feel like I don’t have another choice? I feel so stuck at home and stuck at work. I don’t want to bitch, I really don’t. They’ve worked with me, given me days off when I’ve asked for them, but I feel worked to death. It’s like the more you bust your ass the more they expect from you. I just don’t feel it’s right if they hold me back from serving. But I don’t see how it can happen unless my hours get cut back, because it’ll fuck with my taxes if I work too much overtime. 

I don’t even care at this point if I make less money over there, I need a change of scenery. There are so many aspects about my current job I hate, like answering the phone, and dealing with people’s bad attitudes. I just want a chance to try something different. I dunno.

This is becoming a long post, but this basically sums up my week! Some good, some bad, but at least next week I’ll get to see Ray! 

Speaking of that, though, he forgot he had this frat thing next Saturday night, so I won’t get to see him for a few hours that night. Which makes me sad, but at least I’ll get him for the rest of the weekend. I may try to see my one friend while he’s at that. Not sure yet. It kind of annoys me because it’s a formal he’s going to, and he could’ve brought me but he didn’t get a ticket in time because he forgot about it. Which bummed me out because to me a formal means dressing up and I really would’ve loved dressing up and doing something like that with him. Oh well.

Via Unsplash

Alright guys, I’m wrapping this post up. I’ve fallen a little behind on reading blogs this week, but I promise I’ll catch up soon! 

 

9:37 PM

November Writing Challenge #10

26 thoughts on “Journal Entry (#2)”

  1. Getting older sucks when it comes to drinking. There have been a few times where I threw up the day after drinking as well, but I never had that happen when I was younger. It is awful! There’s no way I would have made it to work like that, so I don’t drink on work nights, no matter how badly I might want to. I wish drinking was like weed where you could do it and not have any hangover.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. So I’ve noticed! But I never really drank when I was younger either lol. And it is awful! And ohh I was hating myself at work lol. I had one too many drinks and I didn’t pace myself at all. Did not think it through at all! I normally never go out on work nights, but I made an exception. And ohh I wish that were the case, too!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Aw sounds like you had fun even though the hangover was bad the next day. Don’t worry, it is gross but I’ve thrown up in the shower quite a few times from drinking too much and in much worse places too, lol. I’m glad you didn’t try the coke–it’s prob my least favorite drug. 😛 I think you need to be assertive or “make a scene” about the waitressing! I hope you get what you want at work and that you have fun with Ray. That sucks that he forgot about the formal thing but at least you still get to spend time with him afterwards. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It really was a lot of fun, so I’m glad I did go out! Definitely not something I’d want to do every time when I have work, but I don’t regret it lol. I just regret drinking too much 😂 and I’m glad I’m not alone! Haha I may have been fine if I got more sleep, but forcing myself to get up was awful! And ohh I’ll never try it lol. I know a lot of the guys do it and I don’t care, I just don’t want to lol. And I feel like I’m going to have to. It just sucks because I’m terrible at confronting about things that I want – like the worst! And I haven’t been able to find much time to talk to anyone 🙈 but thank you 💜💜 I was annoyed at first about the formal thing but it’s whatever. I think he truly did forget, so it’s not like he didn’t want me to go or anything, so I don’t want to make it a big deal. And that’s how I feel! I still get the rest of the weekend with him ☺️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahah, drinking too much happens to the best of us!! It’s ok once in awhile! 😉 Yeah, I couldn’t imagine waking up early and having to work all day with a hangover–you are a champ!

        You have to show them you really want it! Who cares if it feels like you’re bothering them. You deserve to get what you want!

        I really don’t think Ray meant any harm, he prob really did forget!! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Haha I don’t do it all that often so I think it’s okay, too :p haha trust me, it was awful!!

        And I know I’m going to have to, I just feel stuck I guess. I don’t even want to do this job anymore I think. I’ve been so frustrated – everyday is another incident. Just so tired of it, I wish there was better opportunities here.

        And I really think he did! He’s the forgetful type, and I don’t want to make a big deal over something so silly.

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  3. I don’t know if you’ve know of this or if it will work for you, but for me.. Everytime I drink something alcoholic, I always drink water after every shot or idk every time I want. I feel normal the next day and I never felt hangover in my whole life because of that. 🙂

    I have also never tried any drugs nor weeds and I don’t think I ever will. Anyway, I suck at pool too!! Hahahaha god I swear if we’re the ones playing, we’d totally just laugh at each other and give up 😂

    Enjoy your time with Ray soon!! 💖

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have heard of that before, but I’ve been guilty of not drinking water until I’m really drunk lol. Which is not good at all. And you’re very lucky!! Haha I wish I could say the same.

      That’s a good thing! Drugs are mostly awful for you lol. And lmao probably 😂 it was funny because the one guy’s girlfriend and I were giving each other positive comments like “hey, you hit the ball! That counts!” 😂

      And thank you 💜💜

      Like

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