If I looked over the past year, I could easily say that the person coming into the year is different than the person that I am right now, at this moment. That girl back in January, she was optimistic, but that optimism faded fast and she fell back into a funk. And after being screwed over by a guy, and hitting and missing with others – not to mention that weird interest in a former coworker – she was alone until she met someone who changed her whole outlook.
Why am I talking in third person?
Moving on. Looking back, I’ve been through a few things this year, and it’s weird to think of how much has changed since it started. I’ve definitely grown, so here are 7 lessons I’ve learned so far this year:
1.) It’s okay to be alone
When I was younger, I spent all my time alone, and I was fine. Depending on your definition of “fine.” But I made it out okay. It sucks, but you learn hardest to rely on yourself first, and you put yourself first. Just because you’ve learned what it’s like to have someone there for you, an almost relationship, it doesn’t mean you can’t survive without it. It’s when you’re at your loneliest that you make the dumbest decisions. Some of those dumbest decisions have turned into lessons, though. They taught me what I don’t want.
2.) It’s okay to do stupid things
This is more so regarding guys. I went through a funk, I don’t even know what I was doing at the start of this year. I hated being alone. I hooked up with a former high school classmate (who also used to work next door to the place I currently work) on New Year’s. I went out with coworkers that night, and they all knew about it and knew who he was. So I heard about it constantly at work. Because this guy is an artist, so they wanted to know if he drew me. I’ve learned to laugh it off because in all honesty, he was too drunk to be good in bed. I was drunk, too, but he was super drunk. And he kept shoving his tongue down my throat every time he kissed me. I got strep throat the following week, I wonder why…
My point is, we all do dumb things, especially lonely. And he wasn’t the only stupid thing I did this year.
3.) It’s better to enjoy one night, to live in that moment, than to do nothing.
Continuing on with the theme of guys, I went out with my friends in Pittsburgh for the Saint Patty’s Day all day fest they did. This was before I met Ray. But my good friend invited me out, and it turned out to be bitter cold that weekend, which sucked, but it still turned out to be fun. His friends came over, and we just spent the entire day drinking in the city. Skipped the parade because it was too cold. My friend’s one friend, let’s call him D, spent the day by my side. He bought me drinks, coffee, food, he was just really nice. And the drunker we got, the more in tune we got with each other. At one point he kissed me. This point in the night, I was pretty drunk, and when we left to go into town to go to a different bar, I was even worse off. D and I legit spent 5 minutes making out in the bar before our friends started to say something. I wound up spending the night with this guy (we slept on the couch together). He left early in the morning. He was leaving in a couple months to start a job in Alaska, wasn’t meant to be.
And that’s okay, it wasn’t really about being in a relationship with this guy. It was 100% about just living in the moment, because at that time, I really needed that. He was sweet, and nice, and for that moment, it was what I needed.
4.) You know what’s best for you, not your friends.
Friends are great at giving advice, but sometimes, they’re not always sound advice. Or, they’re trying to get you to do things that go against your nature. You know what you can handle more than anyone else, and sometimes these people just want to hold your best interests in hand, but it’s not always so easy. Take the advice, but it’s up to you what you do with it.
5.) Guys are terrible.
Not all guys, obviously, but majority it seems. Then again, the same could be said for girls. This whole dating age is terrible, and most of the time, people are using each other for sex, and it never leads into a relationship. I’ve had guys offer me the whole “friends with benefits” package, and for awhile, I felt okay with that idea. I didn’t want to jump into a relationship unless I felt something, so wasn’t something better than nothing? But it’s not always that easy, and I had this one guy who used me for sex and then told me I was super annoying for asking him to hang out again because I asked a couple times. I felt if he initiated it, he’d want to hang out again, right? Nope. He made me feel like shit for wanting to.
And the lesson I learned from this is: he’s a piece of shit. He stopped following me on Snapchat, but he still likes my best friends’ photos and videos on Instagram. I knew he was ignoring me.
Don’t let someone make you feel guilty for wanting answers or for wanting to hang out. There is a fine line of over spamming someone, but I really didn’t think I was being that forward. I just don’t have patience anymore, I don’t believe in playing games.
6.) Good things come in time.
After last year, I really started to feel like nothing good was going to come, even though I know better. It takes acceptance for things to start falling into place. The more you search for something, the less likely you are to get that thing you’re searching for. When you stop focusing on it, it comes. That’s what happened with Ray. I accepted that I probably wasn’t going to find anyone, and the weather was getting nicer out, I was just going to enjoy the moment. I tell myself this all the time, but at the moment I was feeling truthful about that.
Then Ray and I started talking, and this entire time it’s been nothing but a good thing, and I’m still in shock over it.
7.) Distance makes things harder, not impossible.
If someone wants to make it work, they will make it work. There is nothing but excuses otherwise. I’ve learned that the hard way, I’ve made excuses for people for not being there. I understand people get their own lives, but you don’t forget about someone you say you care about. After last year, I was worried about the distance thing again. But this guy I’m with, he’s making it work. He’s still as sweet as he was in the beginning, if not sweeter. It’s not his nature, he seems shy about being cheesy. I kind of love that.
Even my best friend who lives far away now, she makes an active part to keep me updated on her life, and we talk often. Distance can be worked out, you just have to care enough to try.
I’ve learned a lot this past year, and these are only a few lessons when I think about it all. I write off the top of my head, so these came to me first.
What are some lessons you’ve learned this year?
October Writing Challenge #22