A Change I Need To Make (#19)

Where do I even start with this one? There are a few changes I need to make, regarding my self and my life. 

I need to change my scenery. Work is getting tiring, a lot of the same old with new changes I don’t particularly like. Yet, the bank still has never called me back, and until I get my license, opportunities are slim for something better. So, I’m thinking of asking to serve next door a few days a week. I know I would make decent tips, and I already know the menu. It’s mainly just learning the specials. So we will see. It’s something I’m just considering right now.

Via Unsplash

I need to change my routine. I’ve been so blah about everything lately. A lot of it has to do with the weather. The colder it gets, the less I want to motivate. Yet, there’s so much I need to get done before the holidays get here. And there’s also photography I want to find time to go back to focus on. My work schedule still hasn’t really gone back to “normal,” and it’s getting darker outside a lot faster now. If I leave work at 6, it’s dark by 7. Which sucks. 

I need change in general. To pull me out of this funk I’m starting to fall into. In a lot of ways, going away with Ray next weekend is going to help me, I’m sure of it. I haven’t seen him in a little more than a month and I think that’s part of my funk right there. That, and my lack of friends up here. I get tired of spending a lot of time alone. And in other instances, all I want is to be alone. 

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My days off have been helping my mom around the house – finally! We have so much left to still do, too, it’s a headache. And then yesterday, my mom’s boyfriend was cleaning out the fridge. Long story short, it’s in the dining room and we were going to move it to the kitchen (the one that was there with the house went bad). So my mom’s dumb ass boyfriend (mind you, he drank two six packs, and he becomes especially lazy when he drinks. Yet he swears he gets more done…) brought in the air compressor and used it on the fridge INSIDE the house. Luckily, I was at work. But my mom was there and she freaked the fuck out. Because why would you do that? Why? Why? Common sense goes a long way. Because you know what happened? Dust went EVERYWHERE. All through the kitchen and dining room, making my mom’s job even harder. Yes, it needed cleaned anyways, but not to that extent right now. What a fucking idiot. 

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There’s another change right there that needs to happen. My mom is finally getting her head together, and she knows she can do better without this guy. He’s not helping that much. He smokes a lot, and he drinks a lot. And when he drinks, he smokes even more. The amount of money he wastes along in that shit is disgusting. And then to top it off, he’ll want to eat everything when he does this, so there’s even more money. But yet, he bitches that the electric bill is behind. I have no sympathy to help him more than necessary. Part of the reason I started drinking was to cope with things at home, and even then, I don’t sit there and drink an entire six pack in one sitting. I drink one or two beers to take the edge off and that’s it. It’s called balance, something he doesn’t understand. Alcoholics normally don’t.

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My mom and I could get along fine without him. But she does need to get back to work first. She talked about getting into a gym or something to start working out. And I’m all for that! But it requires money and dedication, so we’ll see. She needs something to redirect her focus on. I’m just  glad she’s finally getting her shit together. Or I’m hoping she follows her own words for once. Because we need to help each other, not bring each other down. And I could care less what her boyfriend thinks. He needs to work on bettering himself before he can earn that kind of respect. 

October Writing Challenge #19

It’s funny how after I wrote this I got rushed to get ready for work by my mother and then yelled at for 5 minutes for not being ready because she needed the bathroom right at that moment. Then I got told how lazy I am and that all I do is sit on my ass (I don’t work almost 40 hours a week [sometimes over 40] or anything). Thanks mom, I just gave you credit for doing something and now you just want to run me down, again, because things don’t get done the fucking second you say it needs done. I’m sorry that I get a shower, then drink a cup of coffee, and then throw my contacts in and brush my teeth. Sorry for wanting to drink coffee first before brushing my teeth, I’m the one working, but my schedule still runs on yours because your the one who’s technically renting the house? Remind me again, where you would be right now if I just left. Please, remind me. Because you’d be fucked if I left and you know it. This is the biggest thing that needs to change. I don’t care if she’s menopausal or not. There’s no need to cut someone down because you’re not happy. There’s been plenty of instances I’ve needed that bathroom and someone was in there. I don’t pound on the door telling them they need to hurry the fuck up. I wait. There’s no need to be a fucking bitch about it. God. I love her but I hate how controlling she is. I’m not your fucking puppet.

End of mini rant.

18 thoughts on “A Change I Need To Make (#19)”

  1. It sounds like making a change will be a great thing. I remember when I took a second job to help supplement my income, it opened up doors and opportunities that led me to a new career. Sounds like your mom is going through a lot of stress and possibly displacing her anger/stress out on you. She’s lucky to have you there and you are great for being there for her. Good luck with your change, bright things are right around the corner!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It really would be a great thing! And that’s great, sometimes it works out really well like that. And I think a lot of it is just that. But thank you so much! I sure hope so


  2. You may have seasonal mood disorder, I know I do. I would be extremely depressed every winter (in MN) which is one of the main reasons why I moved to Vegas. It’s starting to get cold and I could feel my body and mind shift into a depressive state but when I go out during the day it’s still warm so I am able to cheer up here. Also the lack of sun can do that to you, too, my friend had to purchase a happy light that gave off man-made Vitamin D when we lived in Washington where it’s ALWAYS dark.

    I really do think you should ask your current place of work if you could serve a few days a week, tips would really help your income and also it would be a little bit of a change of scenery for you.

    Your mom’s boyfriend sounds like an idiot…I hope she realizes that she doesn’t need him SOON and I really hope she realizes how much she needs you and shouldn’t treat you the way she does.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I honestly think I may have it. Every winter I get depressed. I hate the cold, I don’t want to go anywhere, and I always feel alone during it. I’d love being somewhere where it was always sunny and warm. I’m glad you’re able to do that now! And that’s an idea, I’ll have to look into that.

      And I honestly think I’m going to ask them after next week. Tips would be great – I know I could do well. And that’s what I’m thinking.

      And ohh he’s definitely a dumbass lol. She’s starting to realize it, but I think she’s waiting for an opportunity to leave for just us. And I hope so. Somedays she does, others it’s like she takes it for granted.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah, it sounds like you definitely may have the Winter Blues. 😦 It could just be the cold and the season that you hate, is there a lot of sunlight in Pennsylvania, at least during the day?

        That would be wrong of them not to let you serve considering how good you are to them, you would do wonderful! Tips would help your income incredibly. I hope they let you do that a few day out of the week. 🙂

        My mom had a horrible boyfriend before she met her husband now and she knew how bad he was for her—but she would just not leave him until she met someone else!! 🙄

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I think I definitely do! It’s not bad yet, because it’s still a mix of warm and cold and sunshine. But it does get rather dreary once the snow comes. It might be a mix of it all.

        And it would be! They don’t really have a reason not to let me try. They need to hire more cashiers, so they need to get on it lol. And honestly it would! Plus I would have the money right there and then. And I really am only asking for 2 or 3 days.

        My mom was with my step dad for over 20 years, so when she met her current boyfriend, things happened fast and she matched on because she didn’t want to be alone. I think a lot depends on her gaining her independence back.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Aw, I hope it doesn’t hit you too hard and you can still find some joy in things!!

        Have you talked with your mgrs about serving yet? I hope they let you! Fingers crossed!

        My mom is the same way—she needs a man. She has never been single. Put your mom on a dating site secretly and find someone better for her hahaha. 😛

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I hope so, too! December-February tend to be the worst months.

        And not yet! I’m waiting until the end of the month to kind of start fresh then. Thank you!!

        Hahah yes same with my mom. I don’t think the dating site would work too well for her, she doesn’t trust it 😂

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Haha really? Majority of the guys I met off of there were mainly looking for like friends with benefits or hookups. Very few wanted more than that, and the ones that did, I had no attraction towards lol. Ray is the first actual person I’ve met who’s been more than just a fling lol

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Haha I was nervous when I first used it, but it’s really not that bad. You upload a couple photos, write a bio, and just swipe right or left on people. Like anything, you just have to be smart about how you talk to someone you’ve never met before. And when it comes to meeting, always pick a public place. For the most part, if I can find you on Facebook and you look legit, you tend to be legit haha. And yepp, so it’s not all bad :p

        Liked by 1 person

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