Lately, I’ve been thinking about my friends. Or, at least the people I can consider my friends. I just had a 3 hour phone conversation with one of my best friends last night, and it just made me think about this even more.

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Her and I became best friends in college. We had a class together, and somehow along the way, we became friends. To the point we were hanging out all the time and we became close friends fast. So when her life went to shit, I stuck by her through the long haul. And now, three years later, we’re still tight.

We can’t hang out like we used to – I’m still in Pennsylvania, she’s in Connecticut. I actually haven’t seen her since she left town for a new job opportunity after graduation. But you know what? She’s still one of my truest friends. Out of everyone I know, I could call her at 2 a.m. and she would answer. If I ever need to unwind or vent or just need a friend – she’s the one I can always count on.

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I guess what I’m trying to say is, distance doesn’t matter. A true friend is with you no matter what, and will always be there for you during your hard and trying times. I’ve made friends here and there the last year or so, but it’s not the same. They’re temporary friends, not ones I talk to much outside of work. And it sucks, but that’s how life is.

My high school best friend, I always thought we would be close, but when she got pregnant and actually had her child, we drifted. And I don’t blame her or anything at all for it – life happens and she’s dedicating all her time to her baby and she should. But it’s worn down our friendship, and I feel like we barely know each other these days. We’ve drifted apart – two different stages in life. And I’m unbelievably happy for her that she has her own little family. It just sucks I feel as though I have no part in her life anymore. Life has a way of just changing people, and when you are at different places in life, it’s harder to connect and talk.

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I’ve learned over years to rely on myself first and foremost when it comes to my issues. Anytime I’ve had a mental breakdown – I’ve faced it by myself. Once in awhile texting someone in hopes that they could distract me or let me vent and get my hurt out. But quite often I dealt with no one understanding that when I texted “hey, what’s up?” I was secretly crying my eyes out and feeling like I was suffocating under pressure. And even when I knew if I had changed my words and said, “I’m so upset, I need to talk.” They would’ve responded. There were times I never knew how to cope with what I was going through, and I wanted a distraction versus talking about what I couldn’t change. Many times I wouldn’t get a response when I needed it, and I suffered through my pain on my own. Almost always.

Getting older, I’ve learned to talk to people, but I don’t expect anyone to be there for me that way anymore. Myself is who I rely on, I’m my truest friend.

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But it makes me happy that I have those few close friends I’ve connected with and found over the years. True friendship makes you feel complete. You’re never alone even if you’re miles apart. I’m just a phone call away, and I value these friendships more than anything.

My best friend, my mom used to say she was bad news because I never really drank before I started hanging out with her. Little does she know, my friend doesn’t even drink that much. We went to a few parties, and she got me out of the house and was a true friend. She was there for me – and still is – more than anyone else I know. I’ve always been a good judge of character, and you can’t judge someone based off of a few things you’ve noticed. I can’t judge your friendships when I don’t know what you share together. My friend is my voice of reason sometimes. And I give her advice right back.

Her friendship is something I value a lot. And something I hope we share for years to come.

Late night thoughts.

18 thoughts on “Friendship”

  1. Gosh, my heart broke right in half when I read that you usually deal with your hurt on your own…I’m so happy to know that you do have a best friend that your able to talk to though.

    I’m horrible at maintaining long distance friendships; that’s awesome that you guys are so close still through the distance.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww 💜 thank you. And I’m the type I hate hassling people or burdening them with my issues. Then other times I’ve tried and just relied on myself because I’m the one person I can truly rely on.

      And thank you! It is great, and I love her like a sister. We still talk about everything when we catch up


      1. It’s true that you are the one person you can truly rely on but like you have said to me, talking about your experiences does help! I’m always here to listen if you need an ear. 🙂

        I kind of have a best friend like that but I’ve started to realized that I’m not her best friend, no matter how many times she says that I am.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That’s very true, too. And thank you so much 💜 I’ve actually found a lot of relief in writing for this blog, and it’s helped me get things off my chest in a way I don’t think I was quite able to before.

        And ohh I’m sorry :/ I feel like my best friend and I are for each other. Like we talked on the phone for an hour and a half this morning about just whatever. And it was just the same as it was 3 years ago when we met. It’s something I really value, and I know she has other friends she’s made there, but there’s only one me lol, and I know she values our friendship like I do.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Ah, blogging is kind of therapeutic. Isn’t it? 🙂

        Yeah my “best” friend and I used to be inseparable but as we grew up I’ve realized that she has always been against me. When ever I meet one of her new friends or s/o she tells them all the worst things about me. She would never allow me or one of her other friends’ to get close and she always asks me what’s going on my life just to gossip about me with anyone she can, including my sister who I don’t even talk to. She acts like I’m her best friend but every time I’m with her or talking to her, I feel a constant judgement coming from her.

        I for the first time ignored her text the other day. Her birthday passed and she didn’t say thank you to my happy birthday because I ignored her.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. It truly is 🙂

        And oh wow, yeah that’s not a friend :/ it sounds like she basically used you and then would talk shit on you the moment you walked away. I’m sorry you had to go through that, I’m sure it hurt finding out she wasn’t your real friend. Friends will tell you that you’re being dumb, but they don’t judge you for doing something.

        And that’s just flat out rude and petty. After a certain point, you get too old to play those dumb games.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. That’s how she is…and she’s that way with all of her other friends. If she isn’t digging for gossip about me she’s feeding me gossip about her them. :-/ Which always make me think, “dang, I wonder what she says about me…” and exactly, I think we’re at that point where we shouldn’t be so petty. We’ve been friends since 7th grade and have even lived together a couple different times.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Ughh I can’t stand people like that. They’re attention whores basically. They want everyone to cater to them. And they’re two faced. If she’s talking shit on her other “friends” then you know she’s talked about you behind your back :/
        And exactly! You’d think she’d of grown up by now

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I agree that distance doesn’t matter. I have friends whom I didn’t get to talk or see for quite a long time but when we talk or catch up, it’s like only yesterday when we last talked.

    And it’s also true that we only have ourselves when things happen. So self love really is important 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is so true in so many ways! I have one friend like that too. I feel like she is my soul mate of some sorts. As in she just understands (or tolerate me..I’m not sure yet) But it’s one of the truest friendships I have. The funny thing is we barely see each other but that doesn’t seem to matter. I think that it is extremely important to have that one person that you can count on- that one person that gets you <£

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m happy you have someone like that, too! And it is extremely important because we all need someone. And a true friend is rare to find. I haven’t seen my friend in well over a year since she moved but we’re still close as ever!

      Liked by 1 person

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