Lately, I’ve been thinking about my friends. Or, at least the people I can consider my friends. I just had a 3 hour phone conversation with one of my best friends last night, and it just made me think about this even more.
Her and I became best friends in college. We had a class together, and somehow along the way, we became friends. To the point we were hanging out all the time and we became close friends fast. So when her life went to shit, I stuck by her through the long haul. And now, three years later, we’re still tight.
We can’t hang out like we used to – I’m still in Pennsylvania, she’s in Connecticut. I actually haven’t seen her since she left town for a new job opportunity after graduation. But you know what? She’s still one of my truest friends. Out of everyone I know, I could call her at 2 a.m. and she would answer. If I ever need to unwind or vent or just need a friend – she’s the one I can always count on.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, distance doesn’t matter. A true friend is with you no matter what, and will always be there for you during your hard and trying times. I’ve made friends here and there the last year or so, but it’s not the same. They’re temporary friends, not ones I talk to much outside of work. And it sucks, but that’s how life is.
My high school best friend, I always thought we would be close, but when she got pregnant and actually had her child, we drifted. And I don’t blame her or anything at all for it – life happens and she’s dedicating all her time to her baby and she should. But it’s worn down our friendship, and I feel like we barely know each other these days. We’ve drifted apart – two different stages in life. And I’m unbelievably happy for her that she has her own little family. It just sucks I feel as though I have no part in her life anymore. Life has a way of just changing people, and when you are at different places in life, it’s harder to connect and talk.
I’ve learned over years to rely on myself first and foremost when it comes to my issues. Anytime I’ve had a mental breakdown – I’ve faced it by myself. Once in awhile texting someone in hopes that they could distract me or let me vent and get my hurt out. But quite often I dealt with no one understanding that when I texted “hey, what’s up?” I was secretly crying my eyes out and feeling like I was suffocating under pressure. And even when I knew if I had changed my words and said, “I’m so upset, I need to talk.” They would’ve responded. There were times I never knew how to cope with what I was going through, and I wanted a distraction versus talking about what I couldn’t change. Many times I wouldn’t get a response when I needed it, and I suffered through my pain on my own. Almost always.
Getting older, I’ve learned to talk to people, but I don’t expect anyone to be there for me that way anymore. Myself is who I rely on, I’m my truest friend.
But it makes me happy that I have those few close friends I’ve connected with and found over the years. True friendship makes you feel complete. You’re never alone even if you’re miles apart. I’m just a phone call away, and I value these friendships more than anything.
My best friend, my mom used to say she was bad news because I never really drank before I started hanging out with her. Little does she know, my friend doesn’t even drink that much. We went to a few parties, and she got me out of the house and was a true friend. She was there for me – and still is – more than anyone else I know. I’ve always been a good judge of character, and you can’t judge someone based off of a few things you’ve noticed. I can’t judge your friendships when I don’t know what you share together. My friend is my voice of reason sometimes. And I give her advice right back.
Her friendship is something I value a lot. And something I hope we share for years to come.
Late night thoughts.