Have you ever started writing a post, and realized that you’ve completely lost what you meant to talk about? I just did that. Wrote everything all out and realized nothing really followed and I had no idea what I was trying to write.
I’m feeling inspirational today, and I wanted to send a message of positive vibes out. I wanted to say that it’s okay to be you, to be different, to be human. Let your flaws shine, you’re beautiful. Sometimes it takes us longer than we mean to understand the meaning of this. We care so much about what other people think of us.
Don’t lie, even if you say you don’t care, deep down, you care in some way. You care if that guy you like doesn’t notice you. You care if you’re best friend blew you off for some other friend. You care if that coworker at work said something behind your back. You care. We just brush it under the surface because we have to be strong and build up this thick skin. Don’t we?
But it’s okay to get upset and feel down. It’s okay if you have a breakdown, honey, we’ve been there. Life has a funny way of just feeling like it’s knocking you down over and over. It’s a roller coaster of emotions. But the thing with roller coasters is they come back up again, and eventually they stand still. Life will get better.
I spent the better half of my year just feeling down, like life was out to get me. Nothing was going well. I had a few hookups that lead nowhere and made me feel awful about myself. I never thought I’d be a one night stand kind of girl, but again, life is funny. Eventually, I met someone worth it, and it took months for me to feel happy again. Because I go through these depressive states when I feel isolated and alone.
Living at home doesn’t help me with that, as it’s my mother who wears on my heart the most. I’ve had nights of her just screaming at me and making me feel so misunderstood. I’ve had countless breakdowns, where she can’t understand why I’m crying. I’ll try to explain, but I’m terrible with words when I’m upset. I’ll feel trapped, suffocated, alone, and she won’t see my point of view at all.
Many nights I’ve spent alone, and felt sad because I wasn’t invited out. Other nights I have been invited out, but the weather was bad and I didn’t want to walk out in it. But I would get upset with myself for not going.
Despite reaching rock bottom at points in my life, I try to remember the most important thing: Life is constantly changing. What you’re experiencing now is only temporary. Can you think about your place in life 10 years ago? Where were you? Is it the same place you are now? Probably not, because we’re ever changing.
How have you changed in the last 10 years? Have you broken out of your shell? Even just a smidge? I have. It took work for me to find my voice, to feel comfortable talking to people. And even still, I’ll stutter my words and lose track of what I’m saying. But you know what? I can talk to people in a way now that I couldn’t when I was younger.
I used to be bugged by the fact that I went from this innocent girl who had never been kissed, to hooking up and losing that first kiss and my virginity in the same night. I do regret how that happened, and it could’ve been worse than what it was. But I learned from it. And I understand that I did it because I was at a very low point in my life. It doesn’t have to be diagnosed, but you know when you’re in a form of depression. I believe I was.
I’m embarrassed when I think about my hookups over the last few years. I never wanted it to get as high as what it is now, and it’s not even as high as some people. But then I remind myself that everyone is different. And it’s not like I went into things expecting a one night stand. Every experience I had was a learning one. And I learned what I liked, what I didn’t like, and how I should be treated. I knew I deserved better. We have to hurt to learn. There are a few that I’m just flat out shamed of, but others, they were in the moment flings. And I don’t regret those at all. A few were something I thought could turn into more. They never did.
My current relationship is the closest I’ve come to a real one. And I’m 24. I used to be frustrated that I had never been kissed or found love in high school. I was young, and I was this hopeless romantic of a kid. I was so innocent.
Cherish that. Life is fleeting, we all want to grow up so fast.
Just remember that it’s okay to be who you are! Whatever is going on in your life, it’ll get better. Being a pessimist is okay sometimes, but you have to see that silver lining to move forward. Sometimes life is waiting on you to make a move. Things do happen randomly, but you also have to embrace them. Tired of being alone? Go out. Just try it. It’s easier said then done, but it’s worth it. Look for places to go, classes you can take, or get to know your coworkers.
I discovered this last year that I get along with guys so much easier than girls. This girl who was once terrified of talking to guys. I answer the phone at my job. I used to be terrified of answering it. Hell, I still have anxiety when I’m making phone calls. But the more you do something you don’t like, the more you adjust to it. It becomes bearable.
Life starts the moment you let it to. Learn to embrace the moment.
I’m still sure I went a bit everywhere with this post, but here it is. I hope if you’ve read all of this, you have a wonderful day, and don’t be ashamed of who you are. I used to be. I still am sometimes. We’re all human, we’re bound to make mistakes, it happens. We embarrass ourselves and do stupid things. It’s okay.
No one is perfect anyways.