I’m not going to sit here and write about how great or terrible both are. There’s always a fine – very fine – line that people cross over to become addicted. This includes both drugs and alcohol. I have seen people at their worst on both, and it’s scary. But it hasn’t stopped me from my own drinking habits. However, the hardest drug I ever let myself try was weed, and let’s face it – that’s not a bad drug. I’m absolutely terrified at the idea of becoming addicted to a harder drug, that I won’t dare even try one for the sake of the experience.
Drugs are bad. That’s what everyone says. Yet, we technically consume them on a daily basis by drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, taking medications. It’s the same concept. I drink coffee on a daily. Caffeine is a drug. You experience withdrawals from not actively consuming something your body has become used to. While I don’t drink heavy amounts of it, I do know people who drink coffee all day. My mom accidentally bought decaf coffee once and didn’t understand why she kept getting headaches.
I don’t smoke – I hate cigarettes, they’re so expensive and they’re not good for you at all. My mom smokes, and I hate the smell of the smoke. Ever since I was a kid I was just start coughing and gagging anytime her smoke would blow my way. She thinks I over exaggerate. I tell her to quit smoking. Her boyfriend smokes even more than she does. I know when he wakes up in the morning because all you can hear is him hacking his lungs out. No thanks, I’m good. Tobacco products keep skyrocketing in prices, too, and now there’s taxes on them and stuff – it’s too expensive to smoke, too.
My mom smokes Virginia Slims 120’s, and they run at $8 a pack. She needs one pack daily. Times that by 30 days – she spends at least $240 a month on cigarettes, if not more. Add in her boyfriends’ costs of Marlboro Menthols at $6 (I think they’re $6 or $7 now), at two packs a day. 12 times 30 – $360 a month. About $600 goes towards cigarettes a month, and they wonder why we have no money? I think my beef with cigarettes runs more on that issue alone than anything else. When I physically have to go and buy these cigarettes for her and her boyfriend, and then I get to hear how we have no money, bills are suffering, can I give more of my money? It’s not my problem… I pay my bills before buying my own needs. But that’s getting a little off topic into a personal rant about my issues at home. Case in point – cigarettes suck. Won’t ever catch me wasting my own money on them.
The only drug I have ever tried was weed, and I personally don’t think it’s bad. Not if you do it in small doses, or if you can still function while using it. If your ambition for everyday is to sit around and get high, you are a low life and you need to get some actual goals. But if you use it to help you relax, and still function, then sure, it’s fine. I’ve gotten really high a few times, and they were interesting experiences. Before then, I never really understood how it worked, or how it distorted your perception of reality. They do things in movies to make the viewer try to understand it, but unless you experience it, you kind of don’t understand it. How things feel alive, sound feels alive, things become brighter, touch become more aware.
The first time I got high, I got baked. Like really baked. The guy I was with, he smoked using this kind of electric vape thing – I have no idea what you would really call it. But you didn’t light it, you plugged it in and set the heat settings yourself, and then you vaped it more than smoked it. So actually, you get hit harder than you would if you were to smoke a bowl. He and I kept passing it back and forth, and I wasn’t really feeling anything. So I kept doing it, and it hit me all at once. It was a really bizarre feeling – because who gets high the first time? This girl did, that’s who. I remember I got so paranoid because I was still high an hour later, and I had to go home at some point.
The second time I got really high was through an edible chocolate. Which apparently wasn’t even really high in content, because the guys all said they felt nothing from it. But for someone who didn’t really smoke, it hit me hard. And that time was a little different from the first because I was just hanging out with friends and everything was just downright hilarious. Also, we were playing 200cc on Mario Kart on the Switch, and somehow I was doing really good while I was high. I knew when it started to wear off when I started sucking again. Overall, both interesting experiences. The other times I’ve smoked I didn’t really get high.
I’m not saying you should go out and do it if you’re against it or really don’t want to. It’s your choice, and you should never fall to peer pressure. I’m just saying for myself, I’ve had interesting experiences with it, and I don’t see it as a bad drug – I’m not addicted and I wouldn’t want to get super high everyday.
As for other drugs, I won’t ever try them. I’ve seen people on them – my mother, high off cocaine. I woke up one morning, years ago, and things were already kind of bad at home (I sort of talked about that here). I had school to get ready for, but I remembered hearing my mom crying downstairs. So I went downstairs and tried to figure out what was wrong – I was in like 8th grade I want to say, so I was 12. She turned around and screamed at me to go away. And when my step dad woke up, the two had another fight. I found out much later on in life that she was on coke at the time. That time I found her, I didn’t know then, but she was thinking about killing herself. And knowing this at a much older age is terrifying to me. I don’t ever want to be in that position. Where things are already bad and drugs make it worse. She kept me from knowing about it while I was a kid.
I have never met one my half brother because he’s been in and out of jail and rehab since he was 15. He’s now 30. Between using heroin and the like, he’s aged so fast. And I’ve never met him. Even if I had, or were to meet him, I couldn’t trust him not to steal from me. He’s an addict, and it’s sad, but you can’t trust someone who has been doing it half his life. He will drop you for that high at the first chance he gets. Even if he doesn’t mean to; that’s how addiction is. It’s why it’s so hard for an addict to recover. And I feel bad about that, but you have to be careful, or you wind up hurt. My real dad took him in multiple times after he got out of rehab, and he’s done nothing but lie and steal. It’s just sad.
Alcohol is another one that causes a lot of addiction problems. Mostly ones that end in denial of being addicted. I do my fair share of drinking, but I’m not an addict. I buy maybe one or two six packs a paycheck – I work in a place that sells alcohol, I see it all day long and I like to try new types. Lately, I’ve been buying variety packs where I make my own six pack to try out. I’ll drink a beer or two after work and call it a night. Once in a while, I’ll go out with friends or with Ray and get a little drunk. I got really drunk on my birthday a month ago. That doesn’t make me an alcoholic, that makes me normal for being 24.
My mom’s boyfriend is pushing 60, and not only does he smoke like a fiend, his drinking is sometimes worse. He’ll drink a six pack of Budweiser and act like he’s not drunk. Despite the fact he starts to slur his words, and he won’t shut up. His opinion is suddenly the “truth” and he won’t listen to reason. But he’s not drunk, nope. It causes arguments and fights with my mother, because he’ll wake up at 6am on his days off, and start drinking that early on in the morning. On an empty stomach to boot – which only makes you drunk faster. Some days he’ll drink like 12 beers and still think he’s sober. He will say up and down that he works better with alcohol, but it’s not the truth. He’ll start half assing everything, and things don’t really get done.
When we moved to our current house, he got himself drunk, and his friends he brought to help were also drinking. It was the biggest headache because things weren’t getting done and there was too much goofing off. Everyone should know, you save the drinking for after the move, not during. Just like you save the drinking for after the work is done, especially if you can’t handle your alcohol. No one cares if you take a break, have a beer, and then go back to work. But you can’t drink a six pack and still be expected to function and work – it’s common sense to all except an alcoholic.
There was also a period after my step dad left where my mom was making White Russians every night and getting plastered. She would go through a fifth of vodka every couple of days. It was terrible. Every time I would see her at night, she was drunk. So much money was blown on her addiction. She had no job, it was my money getting used. I got so sick and disgusted by her behavior. My stomach would twist in knots at how she was being. I felt like she was the kid. I’d be trying to sleep at night to be ready for work or school, and she would be blaring music loudly all night. Then she would bite my head off in the mornings when I needed a ride. But she wasn’t working, just lashing out at me.
For so long, I hated alcohol. I hated how it changed her behavior so drastically. Even now, that I’ve adjusted my opinion because of my own drinking habits, I get disgusted when I see her drunk. She doesn’t drink often anymore, but it’s still there all the same. I don’t like her when she’s drunk, and I think it’s because of that period of where I saw her at her worst.
So here are my thoughts! A lot of them are personal, and I think we all base our opinions off of our own personal experiences when it comes to this sort of topic. It’s controversial in some degree. My one best friend, her mom is an alcoholic. She won’t drink any alcohol because of what she grew up with. She’s also told me she’s hated anything she has tried, too. But it’s good for her, and it’s who she is.
What are your thoughts? Do you have any crazy experiences because of something you tried? Or do you just hate it, hate everything about it?