Everyone has their own tastes in the opposite (or same) sex. Everyone has their own ways of describing their “dream” person, someone who is bonafide sexy and perfect. Yet, for everyone, this person is always different. Some want that tall, handsome, mysterious stranger. Others want someone a little more down-to-earth and real. Maybe you’re fantasizing after that fictional dream guy in that series you started reading. Whatever the case may be, we discover, eventually, that there is no such thing as the perfect person. The chances of you finding someone you pictured in that sense is also very rare.
But this is not a post about finding the perfect person or dream guy. It’s about what attracts you to another person. Is it features? Aesthetics are everything these days. Or is it personality? Funny and charming can go a long way. Or maybe you’re attracted to someone who’s a little more reserved, doesn’t say much – but their actions say it all.
Every time someone would ask me the question, “what kind of guy are you into?” I never had a real answer. For me, it varies. But in the same breadth, I’ve noticed a trend in some of the guys I have liked. Maybe I do have a type. I can think of three guys (including the one I’m dating) who all have similar features. All dark thick hair, dark eyes, taller than me (which is not hard to do at 5’0″). But their personalities are all completely different. And for me, I think that’s the real thing that attracts me towards someone.
Looks only get you so far. Maybe you’ve heard that once or twice, but it’s true. Some of the hottest guys I’ve known have been such assholes. And I’ve met lesser attractive guys who have such amazing personalities. It’s always made me feel terrible when I’m not attracted to someone with such a great personality, someone I know would take care of me and be there for me. But attraction is what does it for me for a relationship, and I tried starting one before that lacked it (I wrote about it here). It went terribly.
I can’t be with someone I’m not physically attracted to, and that’s just something you cannot force. When I’m with someone, I want it to feel natural. Take that as a lesson if you’ve ever been at a loss with relationships. You can’t just date anyone, it doesn’t work like that. Sure, sometimes you might get lucky and things will work out, but more often then not, you started a relationship based off of the wrong reasons.
Just because two people want to be in a relationship, doesn’t mean you should be.
There was a girl I once knew in high school who would date guys because she didn’t like being alone. She would be friends with someone, and then they would start dating. A lot of the times, her relationships would last two weeks or less. Then she got together with this guy I used to be good friends with (he had a thing for me once), and they were actually together for a year or two. She got pregnant, lost the baby, and they just had countless issues. He’s the type of guy to stick it out in a relationship, and he is actually a great guy. Let’s call him Dave. Dave and I used to talk a lot, I could talk to him about anything and I even let him read stuff I used to write (stories and the like). He was so supportive. We drifted after awhile, and there was a time when he told me he did have a thing for me. I felt bad I didn’t reciprocate (one of those situations I talked about above). Even now that he has a girlfriend, occasionally we’ll comment on each others statuses on Facebook or something along those lines.
My point here, is that a relationship needs to be based off the fact there is something there. You’re attracted to their personality, you find them attractive in some sense, and you care about them.
So what kind of person am I attracted to? It really, truly, does vary. I do have a “type” I suppose, like I said. I like taller guys, and guys with darker hair and eyes. Their smile says everything to me. Personality is what draws me in, though. Someone I can banter with, and talk to about anything. I can be random and they won’t judge me, they’ll go along with me. We like similar shows and movies, even similar music. And even if we don’t, we could introduce each other to new things. I like someone who wants to go on adventures as much as staying in and just enjoying each other’s company. We could spend the night playing video games versus going out and I’d be more than happy to do that.
Drinking and playing Mario Kart – now that’s a fun date. Plus, it’s more relaxing hanging out at home. There are all these social expectations when you go out. It’s exhausting doing that all the time. And the money starts to add up. I don’t need to be with someone who wants to blow money all the time. I’ve definitely spent more money since I started being in a relationship, but not as much as he has spent. And I’d rather just stay home some nights.
I’m attracted to a guy I can just be myself with. If I can look at him completely naked and feel the most calm and relaxed, no judgement, only awe, then I’m with someone right.
There is no such thing as the perfect person.
However, there is a such thing as the perfect person for you. And they are filled with flaws upon flaws. We’re human, we’re not meant to be perfect. We trip, we stumble, we fall for the wrong people. We experience heartbreak and heartache, not understanding what we did wrong – only to realize we have done nothing wrong at all. We confuse sex for love. Physical attraction to attraction as a whole. Love is confusing, love is messy.
What attracts me to someone is honesty, trustworthiness. Genuine. Down-to-earth. Confidence is a major one. I like a man who knows who he is and is okay with that. I like a man who can step up when I fail to. Who takes charge. That’s sexy to me. I like to be on the same level with someone else, not feel higher or lower. I want equal share. I don’t expect a man to buy me everything, I just expect him to be there for me. But I do like a man to be dominant.
Maybe I got a bit off track with this post, but I’m leaving it. I think everyone has their own idea of what attracts them. It may be similar, it may be very different.
What attracts you to someone else? Physically, mentally?