Something I Miss…

There are a number of things I miss, so narrowing it down to just one is hard. I feel I have so much nostalgia for how things used to be. Things used to be easier and harder at the same time. I miss being a kid, too young to understand the world and the events happening right in front of me. I miss not having responsibilities, not having bills to worry about or money in general to worry about. It’s always a struggle these days.

But to narrow it down to something even simpler, I miss reading, and I miss making art. I’ve been in such a downright funk now for a long time. I picked up a book months ago, but never continued on with it. There was once a time I read everyday – I would get so consumed with the book I was reading that hours would pass and I wouldn’t want to move without finishing.

I think I stopped reading when I started working more, and that makes me sad. Half the time I’m too tired to pick up a book and really sit down and read. Or I’m just uninterested. However, watching Netflix has become a consistent thing, and I think it’s because it’s easier to watch than it is to read.

Art is something I never did much of at home, but I did work on projects at school – and then brought them home to finish. I’m such a perfectionist that part of the reason I stopped drawing was that nothing was turning out the way I wanted it to. It always took me awhile to get something started though, and I loved watching myself grow artistically, and every drawing or painting helped me progress a little better. Painting is something I’ve always enjoyed, and I’ve thought about attempting to get into watercolors or back into acrylics. Similar with the reading though, it’s so hard finding that extra time to do what I want to do. And then the motivation goes out the window when I have a plan and it gets canceled out by something going on at home.

If anything, I think if I was on my own I’d of gotten back into it a long time ago. But maybe I should stop trying to wait for things to happen and just get back into it. I gave myself a writing challenge, and I’ve been consistent with it. Why not do the same with reading or drawing?

Truth is I did give myself a drawing challenge and I failed at it. I think it’s my space, I have nowhere to really sit and draw things out except my floor. Because it’s personal for me, and I don’t want to sit downstairs where people can see what I’m doing. Maybe I just have 5000 reasons and excuses to not do something.

This writing challenge is something I’m actually proud of, because I tried to get myself to start running on top of all this, and that lasted about two days before I had to go back to work. And being on my feet all day at work just makes me not want to run.

But I do miss reading a lot some days, and maybe I can slowly start to ease it back into my routine. There are books I want to read, it’s just getting back into that groove. We’ll see if I can make it happen.

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