Timing Just Isn’t My Thing

I keep saying, over and over, how unhappy I am with my situation, yet I’m just as bigoted as my mother for not making moves. I came home after work today with intentions of meeting up with a friend I haven’t seen in months, and she started chewing my head off.

She finally got herself motivated to go through her crap, and she just lays into me about how I’m never around to help so she finally had to do something about it (ummm I offered to help but I can’t decide what you’re keeping? And I can’t move stuff until I know you’ve gone through it). And just kept laying into me about how I’m never home anymore. I work almost 40 hours a week, and yes, on my days off, I’ve been spending them with this guy I’ve been seeing lately. But here’s the thing – it’s every 2 weeks I see him.. so how have I not been around again? Ohh cuz I spent the night at my step brothers earlier this week, since, I dunno, I also haven’t seen him in months. 

It’s just, everything has to be done when she says it needs to be done. Her house, her rules, and the only perspective she sees is from her own. I can’t handle the two-faced-ness and hyprocrisy anymore. I love her, but we can’t live together anymore. I’m not a little girl anymore, I’m an adult. And the closer I am getting to turning 24, the more I realize she just keeps treating me like a child. 

Mom, I realize you have made sacrifices for me, but what you don’t realize is how much I’ve also sacrificed for you. She doesn’t realize I’m only living here to help support her. She doesn’t realize I could’ve left a long time ago. And the worst part? She doesn’t realize that I’m more vocal now because I’m sick of the bullshit and pettiness and I can’t handle it anymore. I want to start my life now, not when I’m 30. She’s holding me back, and she has no intention of helping me. She expects me to hand everything over to her. She wants to hold the reigns, but not the responsibility. And I’m over it. Done with it.

I have a friend who has a friend who is looking for a roommate. I’m seriously considering this opportunity. I need something to change, soon. 

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