I’m a little late. No, scratch that, I’m a couple weeks late! But Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everybody!
I’ve been known to say I’ll do something and then get totally and utterly distracted by things going on in my life. To me, it’s crazy to think that there was a time when I had so much time on my hands I didn’t know what to do with it. I’m so used to being busy, even on my days off I sit around pondering the things I could and should do. I’m not used to having all this time on my hands these days. Having two days off makes me feel lazy and unproductive.
I’ve made a really good friend this past fall semester, she’s become my best friend, one of the best I’ve ever had. But at the moment, she’s out of state visiting home during our last free break. My free time has been spent hanging out with her, I seem to forget how to entertain myself. So I’ll turn to Netflix, only to be kicked off by my mother. Apparently, even though I paid the bill on my credit card it doesn’t entitle me to use it whenever I want if she’s trying to use the internet to play Facebook games.
The more I think about it, the more I know and I know that I need to get out on my own. The stress is too much for me, and I feel… suffocated. It hasn’t changed at all. I know living here is the source of my main stress, and if I know that, I need to find a way to change it, shouldn’t I?
If only things were simpler to do, easier to decide. If there wasn’t the feeling of guilt of leaving somebody to fend for themselves. And yet, staying here for another year is going to be the death of me. I need to get on with my future, and to move on with my own life. I’m twenty-one years old, I need to learn to be independent and take care of myself.
For the first time in my life, I’m starting to get more of a life, more normalcy, more responsibility. I can’t shoulder someone else’s problems anymore, not when my own weight is overbearing. Just because a person makes a bad decision, doesn’t mean you should reflect on it in your own life. They never said life would be easy, just that somehow all of this would be worth it.
One more semester until I need to do my internship, and as much as I want to get away or out of state, I don’t know how far I’ll get. All I know, is I’m not going to let anyone stand in the way of my future career, and my future goals. I wanna finally be proud of myself for something, and to stand my ground on this. I didn’t sign up for college to fall behind and bury my grades under my stress. I need to give it my all, whether it’s late or not, if I give this next semester my all to be creative and make something out of myself, the better my future chances will be.